"Oh boy, oh boy," freshman Senator Marco Rubio thought to himself, escorting Nancy Reagan through the Reagan Library. "I'm in the inner sanctum now. Handpicked by Nancy Reagan to deliver a speech, walking down this aisle like husband and wife. Best damn photo op of my life! Oh, wait, gotta smile."
There is nothing funnier than watching people fall down. Here's a woman who falls down again and again while trying to get out of the ocean. Add the pummeling of the waves, and you have a comedy classic. Yes, I hate myself a little bit for laughing so much at a poor woman who is either drunk, ill, or so uncoordinated that she mustn't leave the house very often. But you have to admit it's funny. And, yes, you will watch the whole three minutes. How could you not? You can't cut out early or you might miss another fall—and another laugh.
The Northeast is currently a slushy, icy, slippery mess. This could lead to many falls! You know, hilarious moments when people topple to the ground, cursed by gravity. But what if that person is you? What do you do??
Salvia: the legal drug that really works. Unlike most of the herbal fake-weed concoctions sold in the back pages of High Times, salvia is actually a powerful drug. As anyone who took one too many hits can attest. Now, New York state lawmakers are moving to ban salvia, with penalties of up to three months in jail for possession, and a year for distribution. And crazy kids have no one to blame but themselves; the state senator who proposed the ban "said he was convinced that the drug should be banned after he and his aides watched YouTube videos of people smoking salvia and having psychedelic experiences." Not so funny now, is it? Okay, it's still funny. The videos in question—which we've helpfully posted after the jump—mostly prove that salvia makes people do one thing very well: fall down.
