Uh-oh, guys: Donald Trump just tweeted that he will be making a "major announcement" tomorrow. Is he maniacally ridiculous enough to run as an independent candidate for President? Is he ending his awful reality show? (Is his show even still on? We stopped watching after they got rid of Omorosa.) Is he perhaps going to half-endorse a candidate just to copy Sarah Palin? Did he write a book of Ronald Reagan fan fiction? Oh well, no one cares. Every photon of limelight shed on this peripatetic gasbag contributes directly to the girth of his already morbidly obese ego. Seriously. Therefore, here is a list of five things cool or inconsequential things on the Internets for you to read about or watch tomorrow during his idiotic "announcement" whatever it is, because they are all more interesting than Donald Trump:

Jersey Shore guidette Snooki supposedly broke up with her last boyfriend because he was using her for fame. Her newest beau may be doing the same thing. Let's take a look at his online acting profile, shall we?

Sashy Brock Richmond, the Brooklynite who hawked her MySpace address while leaving a message on LiLo's voicemail, called on the advice of her brother, Mark "Hollywood" Hatten. Who's he? Oh, just Anna Nicole Smith's convicted stalker. What a family!

That's our own beloved Julia Allison on the cover of Time Out New York. Holding out a cocktail napkin with her number on it! For the Singles Issue! It's like seeing Aleksey Vayner on the cover of Fortune. The Millionaires' Secrets To Making You^TM the Sexiest Brand on the Market!