In a reimagined Duck Tales intro, the Beagle Boys enact sexually charged violence against Webby Vanderquack in a ransom plot designed only to replenish the sadistic Scrooge McDuck's money swimming pool. Why Disney never developed the storyline is a mystery.

The Internet has a successor to the classic Fensler Film G.I. Joe parodies. "Fatal Farm," creators of the series of remixed TV theme videos that got kinda popular last year, have finally produced a winner. It's Lasagna Cat, a series of live reenactments of Garfield cartoon strips with canned laughter followed by head-throbbing dance videos. The whole thing feels like it's out of Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (or the last act of "Shrooms"), and I just wanted you to be among the first to see it before it takes the Internet by storm. Well, the part of the Internet not already watching Tom Cruise and the kid whose glasses are famous. In fact I'll make a bet.