Nearly six years after the disappearance in Iran of private investigator Robert Levinson, and two years after his family received an anonymous email confirming that the former FBI agent was still alive, five photographs taken by Levinson's captors have been released. "I am here in Guantanamo," reads a sign Levinson is holding in one photo. "Do you know where it is?"

It's no secret that the CIA and FBI can read your emails for any old reason they choose without having to clear it with anyone first (because you're a terrorist). That was on track to change with an amendment attached to an upcoming bill... before said amendment was quietly dropped from said bill.

What, you thinking leading the intelligence agency of the most powerful country in the world, and having a boyish grin and a crop of sandy brown hair is only good enough to get you one mistress? The Washington Post fills in some more details on what led to Petraeus's Spyfall, and it looks like it's getting a little Fatal Attraction-y up in here.

It's been a little over a month since Insane Clown Posse, the Detroit-based horrorcore duo who've built a multi-platinum career out of rapping about butts, nuts, and sluts, publicly declared their intention to sue the Federal Bureau of Investigation for labeling their fans a "loosely-organized hybrid gang." Today, they began that bomb-ass super-fresh wig-flippin' process.

For 24 hours, the internet was subjected to, or blessed with, if that's what you're into, the image of me in a tutu with a shoe on my head. (We're still waiting for the Smithsonian to request the tutu for inclusion in its special collections.) Now it's time for Anonymous to hold up their side of the deal.

Anonymous really wants to see a picture of me wearing a ballet tutu with a shoe on my head. This is the hacker collective's condition for releasing more information about their latest blockbuster leak, for some reason.

A spokesman for Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) told the Associated Press yesterday that multiple threats have been made against the congressman, his family, and his staff since he made his controversial "legitimate rape" comments on Sunday.

The 13th annual Gathering of the Juggalos is underway in Cave-in-Rock, Ill., this weekend, and the ninjas are not fucking around this year: Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, the godfathers of the Juggalo movement and the duo that comprises the Insane Clown Posse, reportedly sat everyone down in the seminar tent this afternoon to announce that they're taking legal action against the FBI.

By contrasting the ease with which Aurora shooter James Holmes ordered guns and ammunition online with the rapid FBI response when a Muslim would-be terrorist in Aurora sent a single suspicious email a few years ago, Denver Post columnist Chuck Murphy states the obvious in his column today: this mass shooting might have turned out very differently if James Holmes had been named Ibrahim or Mohammed.

The U.S. Department of Justice's Civil Rights Division and the FBI will intervene in investigating the murder of Trayvon Martin. The Justice Department released a statement Monday night.

The FBI conducted a three-year investigation, dubbed "Seizing Thunder," into a animal-rights and environmental "terrorists" in the Pacific Northwest that devolved into widespread—and seemingly pointless—surveillance of activists for no apparent reason aside from the fact that they were anarchists, or protested the war in Iraq, or were "militant feminists." Here's the file.

The FBI has released some of its files on the late Christopher Hitchens, including records indicating that he was the subject of a counterintelligence investigation in the 1980s.

"I'm pissed off," the notorious hacker Sabu told me on the phone last September, lamenting the latest arrests in a worldwide crackdown on the hacking collective Anonymous. "I'm getting real sad, with all the bullshit. It's all media hunger on the side of the FBI, my nigga."

It was revealed today that the notorious Anonymous hacker Hector Monsegnur—a.k.a. "Sabu"—has been cooperating with the Feds for months, and even worked off a computer they gave him for some time. But that doesn't mean Mosegnur is a fed, as he learned last month when he was arrested by NYPD for trying to pass himself off as an FBI agent.

The most prominent and revered member of Anonymous, Sabu, has reportedly been an FBI informant for months. And thanks to his help, authorities today rounded up the last members of LulzSec, the notorious defunct hacking group he once led.

The FBI once again proves it is the best in the world at disrupting the terrorist plots it creates. A Moroccan man in his 30s was arrested on his way to what he thought would be a suicide bombing on the U.S. Capitol. But the bombs strapped to his chest were fakes, supplied by the FBI.

The FBI has released, and posted on its web site, Steve Jobs' 191-page FBI file. Read it here. The file consists of a 1991 background investigation conducted when Jobs was being considered for an appointment to the President's Export Council in the Bush I White House, and records of a 1985 bomb threat against him.

Computer security consultant Thomas Ryan's ham-fisted attempt at spying on Occupy Wall Street last October exposed his own snitching to the feds. But the FBI apparently still trusts him enough to have had him speak at their big computer security conference this week.

Once again this week, the FBI has foiled an incredibly unconvincing terror plot replete with plans that fail to strike fear in the heart of any American. Sami Osmakac, a 25 year-old in Tampa, Florida, has been arrested for allegedly plotting to destroy bridges and bomb nightclubs in the name of Islam. Anyone who's been to Florida knows that destroying nightclubs in Tampa would be a great public service, to the United States of America.

For 85 years, the FBI has defined rape as the "carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will." In all that time, no men have been raped. Now, thanks to rap music, homosexual marriage, and Jerry Sandusky, the FBI has gone and changed the definition—placing millions of American men in danger of rape.