To some, the top tier of Hollywood society means getting through the velvet rope at The Kress without a hassle, but after hanging with the crustiest of the upper crust at the opening weekend festivities of Los Angeles Opera — in which we took in Howard Shore's The Fly and Woody Allen's interpretation of Gianni Schicchi — Defamer has seen the light. Yes, there’s another level of society out there that's upholstered in rich mahogany and fine Corinthian leather, and I infiltrated it for you. So if you want to find out how the people who dress like Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly get down, strap on that cummerbund and let's begin.I’m no opera buff, but I heard that David Cronenberg was directing an opera version of The Fly and I wanted to go. When I saw that decent tickets were like $250 each, I decided to pretend I was a journalist and get in for free. This worked shockingly well. Not only did I get orchestra seats to The Fly, but also tickets to Il Trittico (a Puccini trilogy directed by William Friedkin and Woody Allen) as well as an invitation to the opening weekend black tie gala. In other words, my ass got hooked up.

When you think of opera, be honest, you start to nod off a little bit. Well, David Cronenberg is about to change all that. The director who made the more watchable of the two Crash movies has turned his 1987 cult classic, The Fly, into a full-blown opera. It's getting its US premiere this weekend at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and, for some reason, Cronenberg agreed to tell Defamer all about it. Join us after the jump as the notoriously oddball auteur opines on everything from the Oscar race to who's freakier, him or David Lynch.

We’ve given Gwyneth Paltrow some flack lately for her sudden determination to vamp up her prim and proper image using everything from dominatrix footwear to bizarre backless jumpsuits but, with the need to promote Iron Man no longer an issue, the mother of Hollywood’s most promising cross-dressing duo is back to basics. And as it turns out, all those goopy mascara-drenched lashes and see-through mini-dresses pale in comparison to the makeup-free, covered up version of Gwyneth 1.0. In these photos, taken over the weekend at a party in the Hamptons, see why the Madonna make-out partner should give up the hooker heels for good and stick to (painful as it may be to admit) her lucky genetic makeup-free makeup:

As many loyal Defamer readers must know by now, our favorite blind items tend to include three elements: closeted actors, drug-addicted actresses, and those rare but joyous items that include the quote “Do you want to fuck my wife?” And kudos to the NY Daily News for providing us with the gruesomely enjoyable trifecta all in one sordid little piece today:

When choosing between months of intensive studies spent hunched over a Torah preparing for your kiddushin (that's betrothal for you goyum, which are non-Jews for you...non-Jews), and becoming a big star, it seems Isla Fisher has decided to go with the latter. As the Daily Mail reports, the potential redheaded successor to Lucille Ball's slapstick throne has put off the conversion process in order to complete filming Confessions Of A Shopaholic. And fiance Sacha Baron Cohen's ultra-religious parents just don't see what all this movie stardom fuss is all about. The wedding date has reportedly been postponed, Cohen's gone back to making Israelis cry as Bruno, and the wee Cohen baby is presumably in the hands of the only au pair they could find who hasn't seen Borat. But Fisher isn't the first actress to undergo conversion to Judaism for a guy — from Liz Taylor to Connie Chung, a diverse handful of stars became Jews in the name of love, though not every shattered wine glass led to a happy ending...

Our borderline obsession with Gwyneth Paltrow’s new look as a S&M fetishist during her Iron Man promotional Tour of Transparent Minidresses may have rubbed off on lookalike daughter Apple. But not the way you’d think. Rather than doing the typical copycat routine most little girls go through when their mom is hot, the 4-year old papier-mache donkey fan is not turning herself into a fashionista, but using little brother Moses as her muse. As Paltrow says, “She makes Moses cross-dress.” The question is: how far is Apple taking the tranny toddler theme, and does this mean little Moses is destined for an adolescence of boy-curious desires like his dear old Dad?

Naturally we're delighted to see Jennifer Aniston's name in the news without any mention of her lesser half John Mayer, but unfortunately the actress' latest stunt does not include bikinis, Brad, or boy toy upgrades. In case you'd forgotten, the flower-scented B.O. phenom that is SATC: The Movie is being closely followed by another chick flick packed with A-Listers called He's Just Not That Into You. Aniston rounds out the female cast alongside Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly and Scarlett Johansson. But according to Life & Style, Aniston took the very low road at a recent cover shoot for Marie Claire, insisting one of the ladies above be banned from the photo, making room for Aniston's widely seen curves to take front and center. Which co-star was allegedly instructed to leave the set, and whether or not Aniston's orders mean anything these days, after the jump.

Coming in at number two right after Lesbian Chic on the list of 2008's hottest celebrity trends is the slim fast phenomenon sweeping the pounds off Catherine Zeta-Jones' ass, Britney Spears' arms, and pretty much every inch of co-starvation partners Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham. But of course, when Queen of Female Mind Control Oprah Winfrey puts in her two cents on the dieting front, every housewife and Oprah wannabe begins taking dutiful notes on how exactly she'll take a few pounds off this time around. And according to a piece in the NY Daily News, Detox is the word. From Gwyneth and Beyonce to Ralph Fiennes and Vince Vaughn, these four varieties of temporary "cleansing" yourself are the current diet du jour. And of course, the question is: does it work? And more importantly, is giving up our nightly vino and succumbing to regular colonics worth looking like a lollipop head? Which celebrities are using which method, and visual evidence of their results, if any, after the jump.

Love them or hate them, the magical millionaire pixies that are the Olsen Twins have at least one confirmed talent: perfecting their trademark pose for the paparazzi. And unlike Keira Knightley’s "Don’t Hate Me Because I’m So Rich, Thin And Beautiful" pout or Lindsay Lohan’s dilated tipsy face (often accompanied by props like neon bras and knives!), the Olsens allegedly use a tactic called The Prune. We highly doubt we’re the only ones who’ve noticed the duo’s matching facial contortion on red carpets in which their doll-sized lips purse and their cheekbones struggle to break free from nicotine-drenched skin. Their secret? As a source tells OK!, “Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune.’” Genius! Examples of the sometimes-flattering, sometimes-horrifying technique, presented in our favorite Tipsy Face Bingo format, after the jump.

Jeremy Piven is important, he will have you know. He can pick up girls in a hooptie. He can cut Stephen Dorff in bathroom lines. He can tell Billy Bush to fuck off on the red carpet and his own mother to fuck off over brunch. And, as Janet Charlton reports today, he can also cast wildly eccentric and ill-suited stars in cameos on Entourage based solely on fun chatter he has with them on airplanes. As the piece claims:

What is it about London that makes otherwise prim actresses turn into girls gone wild? At last night’s premiere of SATC: The Movie across the pond, sex book author and Police Academy alum Kim Cattrall decided to do away with those pesky accessories we’re all (aside from Britney) forced to wear in public: her shoes. The good news? As Cameron Diaz proved at the premiere of Charlie’s Angels, walking the red carpet barefoot attracts some great press. The bad? Cattrall’s shoe-less night on the town revealed the most frightening pair of tootsies we’ve seen in recent memory, and Kim’s reported late-night behavior was eerily reminiscent of the night Renee Zellweger painted London red last month.

When news that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer got together for a "touchy, feely" lunch date and dinner in Miami over the weekend broke, the entire community of celebrity observers and glossy magazine readers let out a big ol' collective yawn. Aniston has been linked to (and we're roughly estimating here) seven hundred or so possible paramours since her split with Brad Pitt, and Mayer has pulled what Liz Phair would call the all-too-common "fuck and run" on so many starlets that he earned Us's "Cad of the Year" award. But just because the gossip is yawnworthy doesn't mean there isn't a larger issue here: mainly, is Aniston really dating or trying to date all these guys-of-the-month, or is this charade her publicist's idea of spinning her post-divorce life into an unglamorous version of Sex And The City?

Remember when The Learning Channel was proudly cheesy? Back when they featured all those low-budget Baby Stories and Wedding Stories and any kind of Story that would set housewives' hearts aflutter? Well, it looks like those TLC-loving housewives are in store for something a bit more glamorous. According to the NY Daily News, diamond-drenched new mother of twins Jennifer Lopez is gearing up to invite us into her and vampire-like husband Marc Anthony's home to "deliver a slice of [Lopez's] life that audiences have never seen before, as she takes on her career and launches a new fragrance while trying to juggle her new responsibilities as a first-time mom." While we couldn't be more excited to watch Lopez cook enchiladas that Anthony will eventually purge, we're noticing a trend. Namely, that previously straight-laced networks like TLC and Lifetime have taken notice of Bravo's success and, thus, are beginning to follow their bold footsteps by greenlighting programs that strongly appeal to the gay and lesbian community.

One of the all-time most popular extracurricular activities for aging actors and actresses in Hollywood is to head out to the doctor's office on a sunny day and have a little work done. And who are we to judge? But in recent years, Tara Reid-esque fake boobs and Janet Jackson-esque tummy tucks have fell out of fashion. It's now trendier to go in for more subtle nips and tucks and, according to sources, Jennifer Aniston may be a high-profile example. A recent OK! piece praised the newly youthful looking star, though much of their gushing is laced with surgical "experts" who seem certain Jen's new face has gone under the knife a few more times since her whole "deviated septum" issue:

Just in case he hadn't officially lost all his "punk" cred already, Pete Wentz has successfully sealed the deal by getting engaged to lip sync queen Ashlee Simpson. And proving they're the ultimate modern couple, Ashlee made the announcement via (of all things) the website friendsorenemies.com in a post last night: "Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged...We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you." Why exactly a "very private matter" is the sort of thing one willingly announces in the form of a blog post is beyond us, but one issue Pete feels more than comfortable discussing is his love of cross-dressing. As the bassist told Fox News recently,

Resident Fox gossipmonger Roger Friedman outdid himself this morning with the "news" that romantically linked Stop-Loss co-stars Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish are "apparently having a child." You wouldn't know it now, of course, with Friedman's allegation deleted from his copy without any note or citation from his editors at Fox News. Thank goodness for the quick-thinking eagle-eyes at The Huffington Post, who nabbed a screengrab of the offending passage you can spy after the jump.

Judging by the ensembles worn by the Scientologist-heavy crowd at one of LA Fashion Week's recent shows, all those interrogations via E-meter and "detox programs" required to be a full-fledged Clear do not include any lessons on how to dress oneself. At Smashbox Studios yesterday, Giovanni Ribisi's sister Marissa debuted her Whitney Kros clothing line, and all a whole smattering of outed B and C-List Scientologists showed up to support the Scientologist designer. There was good ole Tom Cruise Rejectee Erika Christensen dressed in a shapeless fiery muumuu, Juliette Lewis in Hammer shorts, and Jenna Elfman wearing some kind of '80s era sweater that looks like it was hoisted from the Breakfast Club wardrobe department. More pictures, and our ideas on why the "A-List" Scientlebrities weren't there to support the cause, after the jump.

I can imagine it all right now. The hallway leading up to Brett Ratner's bedroom lined with MTV Music Video awards, scented candles, rose petals and framed photos that'd feel more home in Brett & Bob Evans' 'Book of Us'. The song above blasting through the Bose Audio system all through out the house; vibrating and rattling the windows. Yet the only thing spoken the entire night probably was, "Just not in my eyes, okay?"

[MTV reality star Tila Tequila poses with a VJ at MTV's New Year's masquerade party; image via Film Magic]

FilmMagic has pictures from the March 10 media bias panel at Grand Centralpresumably taken before the sparks flew. Notice a smiling Janeane Garofalo before moderator Harry Evans told the panelist to stay and sign their books except Janeane because "you don't have a book." See also a smiling Tina Brown before she "dissed" Entertainment Weekly founder Jeff Jarvis. (Jarvis says, "She didn't diss me; she only ignored me; when you're famous, you have to do that all day.")
The Week media panel [FilmMagic]
Tina disses mag mogul [Page Six]