"PHOTOS: Madonna's Movie Premiere With Friends, Facial Hair," promised the headline today on the Huffington Post today, and we dutifully clicked, wondering who would be the latest star to don Hollywood's hottest new accessory: the moustache! Previously an outdated cultural relic, the moustache has undergone a renaissance thanks to actors like George Clooney and Robert Downey, Jr.; would a star of similar stature attending the premiere of Madonna's Filth and Wisdom be the newest member of the facial hair club? Then, we came to the last sentence of the article: "Here are photos of some of the celebrities who came out to support [Madonna] Monday night and, perhaps more surprising for such a perfectionist, a close-up of Madonna's upper lip hair."

With Guy Ritchie's 2008 vintage RocknRolla a relatively encouraging return to form, word on the street is that this year's Madonna Household movie misstep might have fallen to the singer herself. Indeed, while her directorial debut Filth and Wisdom stirred notice and a sort of rubbernecking curiosity last winter among filmgoers at the Berlin Film Festival, the new trailer touches pretty much all the thematic bases we'd come to predict from A Film By Madonna. Striving ballet dancer turned stripper? Check! Pharmacy worker stealing drugs for ill African children? Check! Internationally renowned musician turned self-aware actor? Check! (But let's be fair: Eugene Hutz is constitutionally incapable of anything but scene-stealing on stage and screen.) But hey — a trailer is a trailer is a trailer. We have a standing invitation to see all 84 minutes before it opens Oct. 17, which we think we'll accept; as far as we're concerned, the woman still has Gay Football Olympics goodwill to spare. [Apple]

The seven-year itch has reportedly struck the unusually long and strong union between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, but news of the split isn’t exactly sending anyone into shock. It was only three years ago when Madonna practically divorced her frostylocks husband on television, telling the world in an MTV documentary that she “wanted to end everything,” and that Guy hadn’t lived up to whatever S&M-loving, hotel room-wrecking ideal she’d “imagined him to be.” But we’re not so sure the soft-spoken director of speedy-spoken indie flicks was necessarily the problem child in this couplet. Considering Madonna’s behavior over the past year or so, scented ever so slightly with desperation and Justin Timberlake’s ass cheeks, we came up with three of the most likely reasons we think the love story went sour:

That's according to The Hollywood Reporter's review of Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom. And they're not the only reviewers struggling to find a silver lining for the Berlin Film Fest flop. The story revolves around three bohemians living together in London: one's a pervy musician, one's a ballet dancer/pole dancer, and the other wants to go to Africa and save dying babies or something. Clunky plot line aside, Variety managed to drum up a positive aspect as well; the soundtrack features "cracky little numbers"!