first-responders

Three 9/11 Firemen Die of Cancer on the Same Day

Allie Jones · 09/26/14 11:37AM

On Monday, three firefighters who served on 9/11 died within hours of each other, according to the BBC. Lieutenant Howard Bischoff, 58, and firefighters Robert Leaver, 56, and Daniel Heglund, 58, all died of cancer, though it's unclear if their illnesses were linked to their service after the attacks.

FBI to Ensure That 9/11 First Responders Aren't Terrorists

Max Read · 04/23/11 01:38PM

After the passage of the Zadroga bill, 9/11 first responders will finally be able to receive their much-deserved compensation and health care coverage. But first, the government has to make sure they're not terrorists.

The Williamsburg Hipster Grifter Scavenger Hunt

T.A.N. · 04/18/09 03:30PM

Yesterday I went to Williamsburg in search of The Hipster Grifter. We may have spotted her! Also, we randomly ran into people from the previous pictures and coverage. During the work day! She's amazing!

Are You Buying An iPhone?

Choire · 06/27/07 08:20AM

So it's shiny. It's new. It turns sideways or something! But also you can only send 200 texts a month, which is patently ABSURD, and it doesn't have instant messenger. So it is essentially a tiny, pretty Mac brick that takes phone calls. TAN and Blakeley asked the peoples that you meet on the street so that the coolhunters can work from home today.

Paris Hilton's Early Release

abalk · 06/08/07 11:56AM


Yesterday, hotel heiress and vehicular freestylist Paris Hilton was released from prison after only three days due to an undisclosed medical condition. What does this say about the legal system in our society? The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley stepped outside to survey the surprisingly well-informed citizenry of Manhattan.

Memorial Day

Balk · 05/25/07 10:35AM


In this holiday edition of First Responders, our man on the street segment, The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley find out how New Yorkers are planning to spend their Memorial Day weekends. Except TAN never showed—you know how black people are—so Blakeley was forced to fend for himself. The result? What may very well be the best episode yet!

Free Paris Hilton. Or Don't, Who Cares?

abalk2 · 05/11/07 12:20PM


Yesterday, a sad and staged publicity event took place outside our office. The "protest," aimed at "freeing" Paris Hilton, drew shockingly few spectators. Most of them, in fact, were press, including such luminaries as the Sun's Lenore Skenazy and the Post's Mark Bulliet. But what did average New Yorkers think about the whole thing? Since The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley only work within 50 feet of the office, they came out to ask the hard questions.