According to a Congressional report released today, getting past the Secret Service is as easier than getting backstage at a Nickelback concert—at least they make you buy a ticket first.

“I can’t get it,” Avery says, “I can’t get it.”

A 47-year-old sport fisherman died in Hawaii on Friday after being impaled by a swordfish he had shot with a speargun, CNN reports.

A man fishing on the beach alone at Point Reyes National Seashore was swept out to sea and killed on Monday. Witnesses said the fisherman was trying to retrieve his ice chest, which was pulled off the beach by the surf.

Did you know those tasty little Northern Shrimp can live for five years? That's kindergarten age! Anyway, you'll be eating a lot less Maine shrimp next year, because the fishery collapsed due to warming oceans. No more Maine shrimp.

Not to be preachy, or anything, but, if you ever find a "brick of an unknown substance" floating in the ocean, you should "just say no" to snorting it. Especially if you are a 53-year-old on a fishing trip.

Did you know that it's a crime to "noodle" a catfish in Texas? Oh, you don't know about noodlin'? Also called "hogging" or "grabbing," it's when you reach your hand into an underwater hole, jam your fist into a catfish's throat, pull the sombitch out of the water and then do whatever it is you do after catching a fish with your bare hands. The crime is currently a misdemeanor in Texas, and could come with as much as a $500 fine. But that could soon change.

A very important bill landed on Texas Governor Rick Perry's desk yesterday — one that would make it a a crime to lie about the size of a fish caught in a freshwater or saltwater tournament. Apparently this is a widespread problem in the Semiautonomous Region of Texas, and one that has lately rocked the world of high-stakes professional angling.

Watch as thousands of Fisherman rush into a small lake in a frantic frenzy to empty it's contents in only a matter of seconds.

On tonight's episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska, she and daughter Bristol went commercial halibut fishing. During their trip, both ladies got the chance to kill their very own fish with a club—how cute! Watch the (graphic) video inside.

In this video occasional nature documentarian Gavin McInness shows you how to catch a fish using nothing but a human worm. Sounds simple enough, but the real trick is in properly unhooking the fish after capture. Instructions below:

Fisherman Raphael Biagini recently caught a 30-pound goldfish in the south of France. It weighs "the same as an average three-year-old girl" and looks about the size of a big dog. Now, he can sell it to a giant!

The Great Lakes $80 million Asian carp genocide has apparently failed, so officials want to install barriers on the "carp highway." Good luck.

It's a time honored tradition for manly men to grab a Jim Harrison novel, an Orvis hat and some felt waders to go fly fishing in America's streams. But their expensive gear is killing the rivers they love.

After being bitten by a barracuda while on a fishing trip, 14-year-old Koral Wira needed 51 stitches. But first she had to pose for a classic family photo with her father and the 42-inch fish. (She's okay now.) [F&S; Fark]

The FDA is "seriously considering" approval for a new genetically engineered salmon that grows at twice the normal rate. Yes, AquAdvantage® Fish will revolutionize the way American's eat sketchy, lab grown food. Also being developed: Pigs that shit less-toxic shit.

A mutant Asian carp was caught Tuesday in a waterway just six miles from Lake Michigan, after authorities started an $80 million campaign to annihilate the fish population. The carp "are like cockroaches," and could destroy the Great Lakes' ecosystem.

What's better than fishing in the great outdoors? Watching this guy fish/fail instead.

Looking to feel depressed? The Times has an interactive map of the BP oil spill.

Big, scary Asian carp are threatening to destroy fish populations in the Great Lakes. So how will officials stop them? By poisoning everything headed for Lake Michigan with a pesticide that is "mildly toxic" to humans. [Chicago Tribune, pic]