Syphilis cases are up fourfold in parts of Britain where Facebook is most popular. Mere coincidence? The Telegraph newspaper thinks not, after consulting an expert.

Undercover Boss, CBS's cruelly ingenious propaganda-vision extravaganza, is enraging enough in its very premise—that the boss is your friend. But last night, the show stooped to its lowest level: using a dead child to help polish a corporate reputation.

The "self-promoting pansexual former gay magazine editor," who claims he quit Men's Fitness when bosses forced him to put Tiger Woods on the cover as part of a shady deal to cover up his affairs, has joined moral powerhouse OK!

We hear America's worst PR firm, Ronn [sic] Torossian-led 5WPR, sent employees a note this morning "telling them to 'work for a library or become school teachers' if they want to leave by 6:30 p.m." Forward that here, would you?

Lindsay Lohan is "on hiatus" from her power-publicist Leslie Sloan-Zelnick, reports the website Crushable. So the actress will have to explain suing a taunting milkaholic baby and getting fired from an escort job on her own. She's a very creative communicator! Update: We've been told that Lohan has been on hiatus with her publicist since last summer and Sloane-Zelnick has been typically directing reporters to contact Lohan's lawyer instead.

Longtime NYT Co. PR chief Catherine Mathis left the paper for a less stressful job last August. Now the company has finally replaced her with Bob Christie, from Dow Jones, who is a fairly sane guy in our experience. Also perhaps he brings some scandalous Rupert Murdoch secrets? But probably not. Internal memo below:

In your flippant Friday media column: Americans don't know who to trust, a money man gives up on the NYT, Conde Nast is spying on you, and Chris Dovi really got screwed.

Max Abelson has an exceedingly timely profile of Lucas van Praag (pictured), Goldman Sachs' PR chief—variously described as "debonair," "very Masterpiece Theater," "amazingly brilliant," and "arrogant, slightly pompous, flippant and condescending." Image projected: Haughty, rich asshole. Smart, Goldman. [NYO]

After six glorious days, the festival of incompetent flackery that was the "Harold Ford Doesn't Pay His Taxes" story is over. Ford's spokesman has finally told us, on the record, that Ford filed New York returns in 2007 and 2008.

Harold Ford was on Meet the Press yesterday, and claimed to have paid taxes on "all New York income" for the last two years. Which is precisely the opposite of what he said last week.

We reported this morning that Harold Ford had never filed a New York tax return because that's precisely what his spokeswoman Tammy Sun told us. Now she's trying to backpedal, and, we hear, lying to other reporters about our story.

Would two posts in one day about the comically atrocious PR work of 5WPR be too many? Yes. Too bad. We are obligated—if only as a cautionary tale—to bring you these examples of 5W's incompetent manufactured celebuquotes.

Slight late pass, but here's an educational lesson for all you aspiring flacks: How do you connect your craptastic client to a huge star? Just lie about it! That's the 5WPR way.

On messiah machine day, blogger Anil Dash wonders if all the free publicity mustered by Apple's marketing machine might just be better directed at something else. This piece was originally published on his blog.

"We thought your readers would be interested in photos of a well-behaved Dennis Rodman—"

A refugee Apple flack has gone rogue and is now dishing on how the company tries to manipulate the press. Even when bending the truth in the grimy shadows of media relations, Apple uses an immaculate system.

Adam Hanft writes about business strategy and stuff for some semi-respectable news outlets, but he made the mistake of hiring Ronn [sic] Torossian's 5WPR to get him some press, and they are making him sound like a moron. Big time!

In your merry maudlin Monday media column: Changes on the NYO's political beat, Washington Post copy editors are a joke, a flack named Flack, and a reporter braves Wal-Mart, for journalism.

Fine, here: Jamie Jungers, the most desperate of the Tiger Woods love interests, is being repped by incompetent superflack (and Douche candidate) Ronn [sic] Torossian's 5WPR. We're told this was filmed right in the 5W office. Seems right. CLARIFICATION:

What is this we spy with our jaded eye? It is a new Mark Penn patented Microtrend column. We have not forgotten you, Mark Penn, you shady, shady character! Today, Mark Penn explains why god is dumb.