How many American butts had to develop "hard lumps, ripples, skin discolorations, and infections" before alleged, unauthorized butt enhancer Kimberly Smedley was arrested by federal agents last month? Perhaps we'll never know. But we'll definitely sleep more soundly knowing that America's butts are being protected from her silicone-stuffed syringes.

The FDA just found that a daily pill to fight obesity really works. Before you jump with joy (if you can even get off the ground, fatty), note that you can't buy it because the FDA's worried you'll go crazy.