Forbes' list of the richest billionaire heiresses is online. The only New Yorkers on the list: Emma and Georgina Bloomberg, the daughters of Michael Bloomberg. Sorry, gentlemen: neither one is single. [Forbes]

• About 24 million people watched Joe accept the Democratic nomination for veep on Wednesday night. [TV Decoder]

The richest man in hip hop according to Forbes' list of the industry's "cash kings," which was published today: 50 Cent, who made $150 million last year, including $100 million from Darius Bikoff's sale of Glacéau to Coca-Cola for $4.1 billion. [Forbes]

Seven years ago there were less than 50 online ad networks. Today there are more than 300. But that number could shrink just as quickly, reports Lucia Moses in MediaWeek. At least, that's what her executive sources at publishers Rodale, Martha Stewart and Forbes hope. Rodale's MaryAnn Bekkedahl says that when her company experimented with an ad network, it served ads in the wrong language, broke exclusive arrangements with sponsors, and tried to put a fast-food ad in on a fitness site. Forbes.com CEO Jim Spanfeller tells Moses Forbes has the solution: It offers advertising clients its own third-party sites handpicked by the company for editorial compatibility. Martha Stewart Livig Omnimedia does the same thing with its Martha’s Circle, co-CEO Wenda Harris Millard says, because “magazines are wonderful brands and the networks are not going to protect [them]." But we know what's really going on here.Publishers are bad-mouthing ad networks, only to offer the smaller publishers who really need them their own networks instead. That's not cutting out the middleman to protect brands — that's steering away interlopers from outside the media business, while jealously guarding their relationships with Madison Avenue. Either way, smaller publishers which can't afford their own salespeople will get taken to the cleaners. It's just a question of who drives.

Hawk-faced elderly man James Brady, the name-dropping veteran of 600 media outlets who has now eased into his retirement job as Forbes' "media columnist" (ha), is primarily skilled at being befuddled about the point of things (though he hasn't lost his name-dropping talent). So faced with an early copy of former crackhead-turned Times columnist David Carr's (well-reviewed) new book-which is not, as Brady hoped, a volume of media name-dropping-Brady panics in print like the senile Uncle Junior in The Sopranos: shoot the bad man and run hide in the closet! See, Brady really wanted this book to be a recitation by Carr of media inside-baseball stuff. "What a glorious read that would be, and what a column or two I could get out of it," he writes. But no-it's full of drug shit!

Forbes lays on the Cosmo when it comes to finding wives for the rich: "Today, there are just 110 eligible 10-figure bachelors, including divorced men, in the world. So what does it take to marry one? For starters, looks are great—but brains are even better." Take Melanie Craft, the romance-novelist wife of Oracle CEO Larry Ellison. A wife with her own career can stay busy and well-off. The more successful she is on her own, the more time her guy has to hire girls for rides in his Love Copter. And the less money he'll have to hand over in a future settlement. Everybody wins! (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)

In humor, timing is everything. And death just ain't that funny. That's why Dan Lyons is quitting the Secret Diary of Steve Jobs blog. True, he's planning to turn his Fake Steve Jobs schtick into a second book. And his new job as Newsweek's gadget columnist may require more decorous relations with Apple — note that Newsweek, usually the object of favored treatment by Apple PR, didn't get an early iPhone 3G to review. But the real reason why Lyons is dropping Fake Steve? Because the state of the real Apple CEO's health had Lyons scared.

Newsweek, along with Time, the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times, is on the short list of publications that Apple CEO Steve Jobs will actually deign to meet and speak with. Dan Lyons, aka Fake Steve Jobs, is taking over as the lead tech reporter at Newsweek. That leads us to a tantalizing conclusion: It can't be long before Fake Steve Jobs and Real Steve Jobs meet in person. Like the attempt at discovering the Higgs boson at the Large Hadron Collider, the unintended consequences could involve the earth folding in on itself. We wait with bated breath.

He invented The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs. Have you friggin' heard of it? Dan Lyons, the Apple CEO impersonator whose identity so bedeviled us until he was outed last year, is leaving Forbes for Newsweek, taking the place of Steven Levy as Newsweek's house technophile. So much for a brave leap into the unknown world of the Web. Lyons had made no secret of his discontent at Forbes, where the website is run separately from the print magazine and the two sides hate each other; high-level strongarming was required to get Forbes.com to link to Lyons's blog, which he will now take with him to Newsweek. (Photo by Mark Coggins)

Having teased us already with a Celebrity 100 "drop-offs" list that included some of the brightest and most bankable names in the entertainment universe (they. did. not. just. say. Tom. Hanks—omgzyestheydiiiiddd), anticipation for the actual Celebrity 100 list—your annual ranking of the The World's Most Powerful Celebrities™ as verified by a team of accredited powerologists at the Forbes Institute for the Advancement of Obscene Wealth and Judgment-Summoning False Idolatry—was higher than ever. As always, Oprah Winfrey sits comfortably at the very top of the list, her $978 trillion empire affording her the luxury of purchasing everyone else in the top 100 for distribution among audience members as one of those "personal celebrity slaves I simply can't live without" on her next Favorite Things episode.

Forbes released their "Celebrity 100" this week and along with the usual top earners is the list of this year's drop-offs—celebs whose lackluster year got them booted from the list, people like Tom Hanks, Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, and Jeff Foxworthy. One slightly awkward choice: Adam Sandler, who Forbes concluded had "failed to lure blockbuster audiences—or blockbuster buzz—this past year." Too bad the kids at Forbes went to the press with their list last week. Before, that is, You Don't Mess with The Zohan came out, which garnered surprisingly good reviews (for a stupid comedy anyway) and did pretty well in receipts, too. The movie was No. 2 at the box office last weekend, raking in more than $40 million.

The shipments of whatever Apple intends to unleash on the world June 9 continue unabated. Electronic device manufacturer Quanta, which builds products such as the Apple iMac, has had pallet after pallet of shipments arriving from Taiwan, only to be shuttled onto FedEx and other ground carrier trucks for destinations unknown — at the rate of three or more every twenty minutes. Forbes reporter Brian Caulfield was on the scene yesterday, and says that stacks and stacks of boxes were overflowing into the parking lot.

In the newsrooms of Silicon Valley, they call it "going native." In New York, media is a semirespectable profession, and the skyscraper snobs of the world's leading infotainment conglomerates assume that those who drop out for lesser arts like PR just couldn't cut it. Not so here. Erika Brown, who covered venture capital for Forbes, is leaving the magazine to join Matrix Partners as the VC firm's director of marketing and business development. (Biz dev? I can't picture Brown, a snappy dresser, in blue shirts and pleated khakis.) Did Brown parlay her contacts from reporting into a new job? It's hard to imagine she didn't. And one can hardly blame her. The death of magazines may or may not be imminent. But serving time in a distant bureau of a magazine which is mostly diffident about the Valley is a career killer. Brown's note to friends:

Forbes has exactly two tones: Sarcastically skeptical, if editors thinks its readers don't own a stock, and breathlessly promotional, if they think they do. "The iPhone: Apple's Magic Wand" is an example of the latter. Its writers hail the "touch-sensitive wonder phone" and say "the broad outlines of Steve Jobs' grand strategy for wireless domination are coming into focus." At least when slavering gadget blogs call it the "Jesusphone," there's a hint that they might be tongue in cheek. The Forbes scribes give no such hint.

Klutzy Adam Penenberg, in a boring story about personal privacy for Media Post, gives away a juicy tidbit about one of his former bosses at Forbes. The magazine decided against a probe into the chief executive of Kroll Associates, the private investigators, because of a fear that he might possess photographs of a high-ranking Forbes executive's mistress, and expose the relationship.

Not that we're merchants of gloom, the latest figures for magazine advertising are dismal. Tallies of the number of pages carrying advertising in the first quarter, an early indicator of publishing woes, are down by double-digit percentages at news weeklies such as Time and business magazines such as Business Week. The only surprise is that Keith Kelly, who published the figures in today's Post, didn't tweak Mort Zuckerman, proprietor of a rival tabloid. Zuckerman's pet news magazine, US News & World Report, fell 37.5%. One perky spot: Martha Stewart's Everyday Food, now the last best hope of the magazine industry, as well as frustrated cookie-bakers.

O, hai! Had no idea that you, 23-year-old Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, were on the list of Forbes' richest people. But your net worth is... $1.5 bil? Forbes helpfully lists which of the men on its Rich List are bachelors. But don't get too excited: the thing about the rich is that they tend to be squirrely. And they'll make you sign a prenup, which is always a total bitch. Forbes has a slideshow of the billionaire bachelors, and as they saying goes: the odds are good, but the goods are odd. [Forbes]

Ha ha, your medium is dying! Financial-news print outlets seeking relevance have added video to their web sites. But their work is pretty much the opposite of YouTube gold. Brett Erlich, apparently just this guy who loves web videos, makes fun of the work of the Journal, Forbes, and Fortune on this criminally underwatched Current TV segment.

Are you being bullied at work? Who cares, as long as a media outlet can make a good listicle out of it! Forbes assembled an illustrated list of the "10 Signs You're Being Bullied At Work." It features a bunch of stock photos of people striking typical poses in typical office work environments (pictured). "We can condense and improve on that crap!" we thought, immediately sensing the opportunity to simultaneously rip off Forbes' idea and mock it in a shady philosophical tightrope act. Below, our photo-illustrated guide to the top five ways to know if you're being bullied at work. Because these days, the most bullied people don't work in offices, anyhow.

Mary Jane Irwin, my first hire at Valleywag, has joined Forbes.com as a staff troublemaker and insult comic. Congrats, MJ! And I'm sorry, Fake Steve.