It is almost the weekend, praise be! And no matter what your weekend threatens to bring, remember that it's surely gonna be better than that of imprisoned BlackBerry-hurling former rap star Foxy Brown, who is so stewed that she won't even get on the bus from Rikers Island (New York's real sixth borough!) for her arraignment. She's had it up to here! So wherever you go, remember this lone woman's spirit of resistance. Yes. Whether you rot in your own personal jail of an apartment, or venture out in the big bad City to be judged by officers of the law and those that impersonate them, you are all Foxy Brown.

• Foxy Brown's lawyer, state Senator (yes!) John Sampson, who had told the jury that sentenced Brown to a year in jail for violating probation that Brown was three months pregnant, apparently totally lied! [NYP]
  

Foxy Brown gets a year in jail. This news likely affects your life in no way whatsoever. [TMZ]

Foxy Brown has been sentenced to a year in prison. [TMZ]

The rapper Foxy Brown, whose career probably peaked on 1997's Nas, Foxy Brown, AZ, and Nature Present The Firm: The Album, is in jail for violating her probation by smacking her neighbor with her BlackBerry. Her trial is set for September 5th, one day before her 28th birthday. Huh, she's a Virgo! According to astrologyzone.com, that means she's probably feeling the effects of August 28th's lunar eclipse. "Lunar eclipses bring endings, and alas, this one may be no exception." Bummer, Foxy.

Today we find out whether Foxy Brown will spend two more years in jail for violating her probation in various ways. "Her attorney, New York State Sen. John Sampson, said he believes she will be acquitted in the Florida and Brooklyn attacks, and that she should not be jailed today." Hold up, time out. Foxy Brown's lawyer is a New York State Senator?? [NYP]

The rapper Foxy Brown, whose 1996 album Ill Na Na appears in the Case Logix of some people who went through a brief 'hip hop phase' in high school, was arrested again in New Jersey for talking on her cellphone while running a stop sign. Also, she says she's getting married in September and that she's pregnant, though she won't say to/by whom.

Sometime rapper Foxy Brown, who was famous in the 90s for rapping a verse on the Toni Braxton song "You're Making Me High," has struck again, this time near her Prospect Heights childhood home. She allegedly Blackberry-whapped a drugstore employee named Arlene Raymond, with whom she has, according to law-enforcement sources, "a longstanding dispute over the volume of the stereo in Foxy's car." She split no hairs: "Foxy is an idiot. She's rude. I want her to get locked up," Raymond told the Post. And then she said something even more genius.

• Foxy Brown found out that her boyfriend was a pimp. Then she was attacked by a hooker who pulled out chunks of her weave and stole her hearing aid. What is next for Foxy? Can it please involve 'Flavor of Love: Charm School' please please please? [NYDN]
  

• Paris Hilton got her shrink to say that being forced to testify in that Zeta Graff defamation suit would "exacerbate her current mental condition," and the trial was postponed. [TMZ]
  

The time: 1 p.m.
The date: May 1st
The place: 123 Mercer Street
Sighted: "Saw Foxy Brown at Agent Provocateur. The store girl was helping a customer when Foxy freaked on her for not helping her instead and started screaming in her face. She made the cute girl cry."

• In a rare interview with British Vogue, Kate Moss discussed her compassion for the paparazzi: "'Once I was walking from The Mercer [hotel] in New York down the street (because otherwise I don't walk anywhere), and this woman paparazzo who was following me fell over a fire hydrant and her whole tooth went through her lip. I leant over her, saying, 'Are you all right?' and she was still taking pictures. I was, 'You know what? You are sick in the head.'" [Independent]
  

• Foxy Brown (aka Inga Marchand), who recently completed her probation for attacking a manicurist in Manhattan, was arrested again yesterday for creating a disturbance in a beauty supply store. We're pissed at that eyeshadow too, Foxy! [TSG]
  

Andrea Peyser is back on the Madonna beat, ripping the "sluttish superstar"'s recent Oprah appearance. Peyser, whose deep concern for all things African has been the main emphasis of her advocacy journalism lo these many years, has little sympathy for either Madge or Oprah ("For half an hour, one know-nothing celeb egged on another to spin a tale of saving the African continent. Disgusting.") but she's particularly offended by what she sees as Madonna's condescension towards her recently-adopted child's father:

• Angelina collapses for the third time in three days. [China Daily]
  

NEW YORK - Rapper Foxy Brown pleaded guilty on Monday to misdemeanor assault charges stemming from a fight with salon workers over a manicure. The plea deal, which spares her jail time, requires her to serve three years probation and take anger management classes, said Edison Alban, a spokesman for the Manhattan district attorney's office.

• Daddy stalks best: In the seven months between Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's separation, dad Joe Simpson was keeping a close eye on Nick, asking clubs for security footage from when Nick was present with Vanessa Minnillo and CaCee Cobb. [Gatecrasher]
• Meanwhile, faux-troubled Entertainment Tonight hostess Minnillo pisses off her neighbors by dating the paparazzi and Nick Lachey; fellow co-op residents much preferred ex-boyfriend Derek Jeter, whose autograph was actually worth something. [Page Six]
• Christie Brinkley leaves 4th husband Peter Cook after learning that he's been banging a 19-year-old assistant at his architecture firm — the ultimate blow to an aging supermodel's self-esteem. [NYDN]
• Rapper claims that her former assistant who is charging her with abuse and harassment is a liar; the woman, Rasheeda Ellis, lied about references and tried to leak Brown's personal emails to two gossip reporters. Come to think of it, Lloyd Grove does seem to write quite a bit about Foxy. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis enter the "friends with privileges" stage. We can't think of two people who deserve each other's herpes more. [TMZ]
• Did you hear about those two drunks at Soho House? [Lowdown]

• Disneyland stays open until midnight for Lindsay Lohan, so that Mickey might get high from her special secondhand smoke. On the darkened riverboat cruise that concluded her evening, Lohan made the happiest place on earth a little more so by blowing rails of Tinkerbell's fairy dust. [MiceAge]
• Diddy now asks that you refer to him as Puff. And if you openly mock him, you can expect the support of onlookers and pedicab drivers. [Page Six]
• At a shop in London, a salesgirl refuses to take Naomi Campbell's credit card; the girl apparently didn't believe it was actually Campbell making the purchase. Campbell stormed out of the store; salesgirl miraculously escapes unharmed. [Female First]
• Brandon Davis is out of rehab; Los Angeles drug dealers stock up in anticipation. [Gatecrasher (2nd to last)]
• Always on the urban beat, Lloyd Grove reports that rapper Foxy Brown is facing misdemeanor charges of harassing her former assistant with threatening emails. Emails? Whatever happened to the hardcore bitchslap? [Lowdown]
• The good news: drooling virgins will finally be able to see Natalie Portman naked. The bad news: they'll have to sit through an entire Goya biopic. [Page Six]
• Elle MacPherson assumes her role as the lead Hot Tuna. [Bloomberg]

• We've no idea if this is even halfway accurate or not, but the picture at right is circulating the internets as that of recent celebrity spawn Violet Affleck. If it turns out that this is just a civilian baby, we don't care: we just wuv the cutesy-poo baby cuddle-bug. Crap, now our ovaries are twitching... [Violet Ann Affleck]
• Bad news for fans of the Cartoon Network — no, not that Cartoon Network, but the one that delivered pot to your door. Seems your delivery dude got busted. [Newsday]
• Downtown auteur love dies another death, as the rich-hipster romance of director Spike Jonze and Yeah Yeah Yeah's lead freak Karen O. ends in a miserable implosion. [Productshop NYC]
• Available at the CNN store in the Time Warner Center, it's the CNN Holy Cross Necklace. Get it for a Fox News fan you love. [Encyclopedia Hanasiana]
• Okay, fine: Here are the Jennifer Aniston topless photos. We found her GQ side-boob shot to be far more flattering. [Save Manny]
• Rapper Foxy Brown is almost completely deaf. Frankly, we always assumed most hardcore rappers were. [Starpulse]

• In the wake of her awesome drug-abusing debut, supermodel Kate Moss enjoys a calamitous scene outside the Mercer Hotel, complete with stalkerazzi and the FDNY. [Verbose Coma]
• After 5 months of marriage, actress Renée Zellwegger and country singer Kenny Chesney have their marriage annulled. The perfect Hollywood romance! [People]
• Britney's abortion doctors speak: "How we failed..." [Low Culture]
• Courtesy of the blogosphere's irrepressable Andrew Krucoff, a handy guide to understanding teen-fixated writer David Amsden and Amsden-fixated TMFTML blogger Alex Balk. [YM]
• As Tara Reid's Taradise travel show enters its final hours, the Tara Reid Self-Loathing Index resists the influence of Reid's parental units. [Gridskipper]
• A few days ago, we wondered how rapper Lil' Kim would spend her last days as a free woman before heading off on Monday to serve a year in prison for perjury. As it turns out, our guesses were way off: She's filming a reality tv show. Predictable. [Reality Blurred]