Limp Bizkit dirtbag Fred Durst is now directing advertisements for the EHarmony dating corporation.

In the late '90s and early '00s, Limp Bizkit was a force to be reckoned with in the nu-metal arena.

What is the frontman of '90s rap-rock sensation Limp Bizkit up to these days? Just live-blogging his 60-day juice fast while falling slowly into despair, that's all. Welcome to the dark side of those social media public dieting miracles.

Fred Durst (Wikipedia entry "career" section: 181 words; "controversy" section: 1370 words) will produce and star in a sitcom for CBS about a "rock legend" raising a family. Working title: Douchebag. (Seriously.) Ashton. Durst. Who's next? Joe Francis? [Deadline]

The Solid Waste Services Department of Austin, Texas needs a new name, and they've asked for residents to vote online in a poll that ends next Thursday. The current frontrunner? "The Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts."

Kevin Pollak swore at someone who wished him happy birthday; Deborah Gibson swore at her elliptical machine and Fred Durst's waiter swore (probably) at him. The Twitterati were curse machines.

Jennifer Aniston's in love with someone, again. Paul McCartney's son's dreams are coming true and dying all at once. Jon and Kate are still deplorable. And Courtney Hazlett calls out Melissa Rycroft. Hoorah! It's your Friday morning gossip roundup!

Today Show weatherman Al Roker turns 55 today. Actress Amy Adams is turning 35. Fred Wilson, New York's best-known venture capitalist, is 48. Connie Chung is turning 63. Local TV anchor Maurice DuBois is 44. Fred Durst is turning 39. Former presidential candidate Ron Paul is 74. Tony-winning actress Joan Allen is turning 53. Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin fame is 61. Boxing promoter Don King is turning 78. And Disney star Demi Lovato celebrates her 17th birthday today.

Jon, Kate, and the Cabal of 8 hit the streets of New York and their crew's already beefing with people. Also, Robert Pattinson's a shitty tipper, 50 Cent's a shitty real estate buyer, Mischa Barton's sad and crazy. Happy Sunday!

• Gwyneth Paltrow's latest goal? To get Mario Batali to lose weight, apparently. She's supposedly already given him a free membership to the gym she's opening with Tracy Anderson, since he's "the only fat friend she has, and wants him to change." [P6]
• Poor Jennifer Aniston has been "holed up" in her room at the Greenwich Hotel since arriving in New York a few weeks ago, supposedly because she's terrified of "bumping into Angie" on the street. [L&S]
• Michael Phelps and Miss California, Carrie Prejean. are apparently dating, or at least that's what Prejean's grandmother is saying. [NYDN]
• In an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, Lindsay Lohan says she's "still in love" with Sam Ronson, and that their breakup "came out of nowhere." She's also lost a lot of weight, which you've probably already noticed. [OK!, People, NYDN]
• Tim Gunn says he hasn't been on a date in 26 years, but that he's okay with it because he's "very happy being alone." [NYDN]

Venture capitalist Fred Wilson turns 47 today, but he beat us to it and already announced the news on his blog. Other people celebrating today: Today's Al Roker is turning 54. Connie Chung is 62. CBS 2 morning anchor Maurice DuBois is 43. Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst is 38. Former presidential candidate (and Texas congressman) Ron Paul is turning 73. And the Tony-winning actress Joan Allen is 52.

Tasked with writing about his Night Out With Limp Bizkit frontman and director Fred Durst, Mickey Rapkin had to overcome a host of challenges. How to be subtle and Times-y about Durst's decision to pick up a Russian maybe-hooker and bring her along on their outing, for instance? "Ms. Valevich let out a hearty laugh. She proposed a toast: 'To never seeing each other again.' It was now Mr. Durst's turn to laugh." Nailed that one! But what of the difficulty of alluding somewhat obliquely to the fact that Durst is perhaps best known for his deeeesgusting sex tape? Simple: Be a blog! "'I learned not to kiss and tell,' [Durst] said. (He has told plenty; see Google.)" Let's try that again: "'I learned not to kiss and tell,' [Durst] said. (He has told plenty; see Google.)" Ah, that's more like it.

It's been too long since we've heard from the Defamer Special Real Estate Correspondent, who atones for an extended absence from the celebrity open houses beat by offering a guided tour of Fred Durst's onetime nookie palace so detailed that we almost feel like we've been on the receiving end of a videotaped doggystyling. This, of course, is not a good thing, but we're going to share it anyway. We don't want to be alone with these icky feelings.

· "A quadriplegic attorney settled his lawsuit against producers of NBC's "The Apprentice" after they agreed to make clear the program accepts applications from the disabled." Well, they do if they display absolutely no business acumen and their tits look great in a sweater.
· But if he paints like J. Lo sings, how could you tell where the ass is? Marc Anthony does an rear-view nude portrait of his wife.
· Gawker breaks down the NY gossip rag dick-measuring contest that's raging across the pages of the Daily News and the Post.
· "Touch My Balls and My Ass": The Remix
· The best news ever: Drunk Asshole Hotel (© Heather Havrilesky) may return—with its original drunk asshole cast! Huzzah!

Moments ago, Gawker HQ back in NY received a call from The Firm, trying to make sure a delivery was completed. A messenger then arrived with some flowers and the above note allegedly sent by Fred Durst (whom you may remember, from reports as recently as an hour ago, is suing Gawker Media). We just placed a call to The Firm to find out if this was really from him or the funniest prank we'd ever seen, and they confirmed that the note is legit. Looks like Denton gets to keep his $80 million. (Not that we'll see any of it.)

· Liquid Generation fills up Paris Hilton's Sidekick better than she could ever hope to. Peruse Hilton's address book, watch her bi-curious phonecam videos, and IM her celeb buddy list. If only this kind of ingenuity could be put to some more noble purpose, like inventing a Flash game that erases all memory of Fred Durst screwing.
· The prophetic Fred Durst, blogging back in November: "well people, hackers, gotta love them and gotta despise them. it's the territory where we are all put in a position to be victims. kind of fun and dangerous at the same time. so don't be so gullible." Gullible, like believing that the clear, huge sex video was somehow stored in a Sidekick, which, incidentally, has no video camera?
· David Cross is keeping busy while Arrested Development dangles by the thinnest of threads. [via goldenfiddle]
· CZJ's stalker: the "no contest" kind of crazy.

We don't know where a supposedly "hacked" Sidekick sex tape of rap-rock afterthought Fred Durst came from, or whether it has anything to do with Sidekicks (as alleged), hacks, or Paris Hilton Sidekick hacks (it probably doesn't), but we know this: If we could, we'd uninvent the internet if it would put this particular genie back in the proverbial genie container, just so we would never have had to hear Durst urge his partner to "touch my balls and my ass," or to see the resulting reacharound*. Or Durst's "O" face (pictured). These psychic scars will never fade.

Having Fred Durst show up in your sushi joint can't be good for business, regardless of whether or not he wants to hit on your clientele and start a beef after being shot down. (Was he panhandling for spare tuna rolls?) A reader recounts a recent brush with Durst, which is likely to drive A- and B-listers from the restaurant in droves:

· Pop star Fred Durst is a big fan of Chelsea Clinton's. [Page Six]
· Rudy Giuliani's ex-wife Donna Hanover is engaged to marry her high school sweetheart, California lawyer, Ed Oster. [Page Six]
· GQ staffers are afraid that if Men's Health Editor Dave Zincenko replaces long-time GQ Editor Art Cooper, he'll "come in and expect them to eat granola and go jogging at lunch hour." [Page Six]
· Kate Winslet on nude scenes: "My bum's massive. My back's spotty. I have chicken arms. And I personally think my bosom's sagging. Hard for me to do that but I know it is liberating." [Cindy Adams]
· Senator John Kerry at a fundraiser at Cipriani on recovery from prostate cancer surgery: "I've learned a lot in the last three weeks. But nothing beats watching C-SPAN on drugs." [NY Daily News]