Richard thinks I hate all of you. That's not true! Just...most of you. So I made my own meaningless superlative you can win: The C.O.C.K. Award! Anyway, somebody had something good to say. It was about The Jews. Naturally.

A 24 year-old Brooklyn man who found out the ultra-Orthodox rabbi he grew up under was about to be tried on 75 counts of child molestation—and that his name would come up—killed himself days before his honeymooon. [NYP]

Tony Judt's never been one to stand down. The Jewish, British, leftist historian and professor who's been called a self-hating antisemitic terrorist-sympathizer and a liberal-hater isn't one to back down. Ravaged by Lou Gehrig's disease, he's not pussying out, either.

Yes, you New York ignoramuses. There are in fact Jews in Montana.

Any mass email with the subject line "Jews" is going to be trouble. That is an ironclad rule. So Dan Baum, the famously former New Yorker writer, should've maybe rethought this one.

Wow. Do we have a special one today. Jon Gosselin, seeking help from a rabbi. Alex Rodriguez thinks he's a centaur. Jessica Simpson's man requirements. Lady Gaga's ballet. RobPatz's marriage prospects. Presenting your epic Halloween Morning Gossip Roundup. Get scared:

Two fun facts on stylish Jersey-Shore-via-Tehran Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: 1. He might be Jewish. 2. Iran is now definitely capable of producing a working nuclear bomb that could basically wipe his maybe-Yid Israeli relatives out of existence. Fun!

Gawker guest editor Natasha VC, doing retrospective reviews of bar/bat mitzvahs she's been to.

Bernie Madoff is about to experience what it's like to have his life's worth taken out from under him. A judge entered a preliminary order today to yank everything he's got, and then some. He's absolutely finished.

Have you ever had a moment where you wonder exactly how bad you should feel for Ruth Madoff and the specific things you should feel bad about for her? Don't worry: the New York Times did it for you.

Shia LaBeouf codifies a Jewish stereotype, Broadway still hates Jeremy Piven, Larry King lives on despite being 132 and not having Carrie Prejean on his show, and Alicia Keys is dating some rapper guy.