One person you do not want to be right now is disgraced hedge funder Samuel Israel III. Because if you were him you'd either be a) lifelessly floating along the banks of the Hudson River; or b) the subject of one of the most high-profile manhunts in white-collar criminal history. Or both! Israel, the Bayou Group hedge fund founder who was found guilty of conning investors out of millions of dollars, was scheduled to begin serving a 20-year prison sentence on Monday; just an hour before he was scheduled to show, his car was found on the Bear Mountain Bridge with the words "Suicide is Painless" drawn in dust on its hood. But no body has turned up. And it turns out that people tend not to believe you when you spend your entire career defrauding people.