Dear humorously named people of America: Thank you for committing crimes. Mirinda Boob—wife of the late Samuel Boob—is thought to have conspired to murder her husband. Luckily for headline writers, one of the conspirators' names was Kermit Butts.

Horrified by an image of a Google Street View image of child lying face-down in a gutter with her shoes cast off, residents of Worcester (England, not Massachusetts) contacted the authorities. Luckily, little Azura Beebeejaun is just playin, y'all.

Florida news: a Fort Lauderdale suburb has passed an ordinance that makes it a crime to sell anything on the street—or to buy anything from someone on the street. Nice work, "City Atty. Donald J. Doody." [LAT. Pic: Flickr]