Rising inequality. Irreversible climate change. A possible third Grown Ups movie. These are just a few of the challenges facing America in the 21st Century. Luckily, our country is protected by our almighty creator who (when he isn’t smiting eponymous fast food chains) is apparently telling our legislators to address pressing issues like publicly exposed boxer shorts.

Here's a shocker: According to a tipster, American Apparel's pervy madman CEO, Dov Charney, is demanding the firing of employees he deems unattractive and thus detrimental to the "AA aesthetic," as he feels they may be hurting his bottom line.