This is weird. And scary. In a new viral marketing Vitaminwater spot, which also features Adrian Peterson and Shaquille O'Neal, Gary Busey plays some sort of crazed fantasy sports lawyer. What this has to do with Vitaminwater is still unclear.

Gary Busey is equal parts cowboy and Indian as he presumably walks down to the liquor store for his morning bath. (via EastandWest) [Bauer Griffin]

As sure as the sun will rise, Gary Busey will act like a man possessed in front of a video camera. The erratic behavior and jerky facial tics are all just part of his very weird, terrifying charm.

• Lindsay Lohan landed in India yesterday where she's taking part in a BBC documentary on child sex trafficking. And she's already making a difference! Just hours after landing, she hopped on Twitter to proclaim that "over 40 children" have been "saved so far." What she did to save these kids isn't clear (especially when she could use some saving herself), but why quibble over details? [Us]
• In other (and more dubious) LiLo news, the Daily News reports that Lohan has a new man: "Lindsay Lohan is covering all her bases before she ships off to India—and that includes kissing several boys goodbye." Given she's already left the country, you may want to ignore what follows from there, but the guy she's supposedly seeing is Adam Senn, the model and bad boy from first season of The City, who met LiLo during Fashion Week and is someone Senn is hoping to "get to know even better." [NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel broken up? Who knows, but he was supposedly seen flirting with a bunch of women the other night. [P6]
• Today in Tiger: The number of women Woods has been cheating with hit 13 yesterday afternoon, just as racy text messages that Tiger sent Jaimee Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel surfaced. In other Tiger mistress news, a video featuring porn star Holly Sampson bragging about having sex with Tiger Woods also turned up yesterday. And Uchitel is supposedly planning to get tested for STDs now that she's found out how many women Tiger has been hooking up with.

Actor and Celebrity Rehab alum Gary Busey turns 65 today. Producer Robert Evans turns 79. Comedian Richard Lewis is turning 62. Wendy Kopp, the founder of Teach for America, is turning 42. Top Silicon Valley venture capitalist John Doerr is 57. Web entrepreneur Scott Heiferman is 37. Colin Hay of Men at Work is 56. Race car driver Jeff Burton turns 42. Philadelphia mayor Michael Nutter is turning 52. And "Pussycat Doll" Nicole Scherzinger celebrates her 31st birthday today.

The infamous Vogue editrix loses her party planner, House as a tranny-nun, Governator Ahnold's real-life action sequence, a sad Hollywood divorce, midgets, gays, nerdy Jews, scary Americans, more Gossip Girl action, and Gary Busey. Presenting your Saturday morning Gossip Roundup:

Fans of Celebrity Rehab's first season will recall it featured several breakout recoveries, including those of failed hip-hop superduo Vikki & Kenickie, as well as the addictionless Joanie "Chyna" Laurer, who right up until CR commencement exercises refused to reveal the enigmatic circumstances that led her into the program. Tomorrow night, the second season premieres on VH1, but a preview already posted online suggests that Gary Busey—who's made it clear his involvement is strictly as mystical, recovering-coke-fiend mahatma to the other patients—could wind up contributing more story-editor-nip drama to the proceedings than spiritual guidance.In the following video, the actor describes his ongoing struggles with Bolivian marching powder, reaching near Marcia Brady-levels of desperation and interspecies-sexual-favor-trading in order to get his hands on the stimulant. When time comes for check-in, rehab tech Shelly finds an agitated and uncooperative Busey unwilling to part with essentials like mouthwash, mobile phones, and large bags of weed, while minutes later a concerned Dr. Drew listens compassionately as a broken Busey relays the time he snorted blow off his own dog's back. Helluvuh drug.

Here's what you've been waiting for, if you're an eccentric millionaire looking to invest a fortune in off-the-wall, possibly crack-inspired schemes: 40 business ideas from actor Gary Busey! These come in the form of 40 different ads for some obscure business phone company (whatever). The point is, Gary Busey really appears to just be riffing all of these off the top of his head so he can leave and get a drink. Bear hair dye? Oh Gary, you are an incorrigible national treasure! Two clips of his wacky wisdom, below:

· If the Mini-Me sex tape wasn't enough to convince you to abstain from sex for the rest of your life, this clip of The Ladies Of The View debating whether or not to go topless in Vegas likely will. [The View]
· Remember that scene in One Crazy Summer where Savage Steve Holland's "cute and fuzzy bunnies" turned into mass murdering psychos? Well, this is kind of like that, only for real. [Videogum]
· Has modern life killed the semi-colon? We're not sure ... but we do know that ellipses are more popular than ever... [Slate via Fimoculous]
· The naming rights for the historic Los Angeles Coliseum are for sale. Here's hoping Jumbo's Clown Room starts up a collection fund, 'cause that's one cause we'd totally contribute to. [LA Observed]
· The missing link between Kanye West and Gary Busey has finally been discovered. And that link is ... squid brains? [Detroit News]

If you, like us, couldn't get enough of Celebrity Rehab—VH1's groundbreaking reality show born when it suddenly occurred to producers witnessing Brigitte Nielsen's umpteenth Strange Love blackout, "Hey—wait a second. Maybe we should get that woman some help...and film the entire thing!"—then you'll be thrilled to hear that the second batch of marginally famous in-patients are currently under Dr. Drew's care. Among this season's cast, the lovably problematic Jeff Conaway returns for another attempt at detox—and where Jeff goes, so too goes his demon-enabling succubus girlfriend Vicki. But there will be a whole slew of new faces, too, including—Higher-Power be with them—astonishingly sober life-coach, Gary Busey. From the press release:

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

· Look, if you're going to ask Hollywood's Favorite Crazy™ Gary Busey a question about his upcoming, 3-D horror movie, don't clutter up his head with extraneous flack-prompting. It just confuses him, and then he's forced to tear someone's endocrine system out—and nobody wants that! [Inside Edition]
· Spotted by a Defamer operative over the weekend at the LAT's Festival of Books: the singlet-sporting, love-handle-afflicted Hoboken Beach Diet Man! He even had his own booth. [Defamer]
· 60 years later, YouTube gives us access to really rare, really racist Looney Tunes cartoons. [NY Times, YouTube]
· Cher revealed to Oprah that she dated Tom Cruise for several months at the beginning of his career: "The audience burst into a frenzy of cheering and whooping, especially when she spoke of one particularly 'long night' in his arms." [news.com.au]
· Wants some cute? How about The Shins on Yo Gabba Gabba? [prn.newscom.com]

Why are you on the run, Iceman? Was your impromptu concert at the Malibu Starbucks interrupted by yawns, highflying Caramel Macchiatos and Gary Busey insisting that he should join in with a ham bone solo and a spiritual chant?

Or maybe he's for real, in which case, seriously: Do not call the number.

By now, you've likely seen the viral video in which the suddenly omnipresent Gary Busey castigates a child reporter on the red carpet for failing to speak loudly enough to penetrate the hardened layer of ear wax that he has built up over the years. But what you probably haven't seen is the response of said child reporter Gracie Stagg, who is milking the moment for all it's worth, just like a miniature Martin Bashir.

First Chelsea Clinton left a nine-year-old Scholastic News reporter "crestfallen" by stonewalling her interview request, saying, "I don't talk to the press, and that applies to you." Around the same time, Chelsea's mom Hillary attacked Democratic presidential opponent Barack Obama for statements he made while in kindergarten. Now Gary Busey has taken child pundit abuse to new extremes, playing serious hardball with an 11-year-old StarzLife reporter outside the Oscar after-party of the United Nations Children's Foundation. According to StarzLife, "a'Busey" was "visibly intoxicated," yanked away the camera from the reporter and "proceeded to bend down and spit-yell right to the little girl's face." Busey has already apologized to his idol Ryan Seacrest for behavior earlier in the evening, but given that child reporters now get about as much respect as paparazzi, StarzLife wisely decided to just post the whole thing to YouTube and move on to the next belligerent public figure:

By now, we've all seen the video of Gary Busey's vampire-like neck-raping of Jennifer Garner on the red carpet the other evening. But you might not have seen (or heard) that Busey managed to pry himself from his coffin early on Monday morning and delivered a heartfelt (yet borderline creepy) apology to Garner on Ryan Seacrest's radio show. During this interview, we learn that The Buse also managed to spring another surprise attack on the carpet on Sunday (specifically, he interrupted a Fox News interview with George Clooney). However, as disturbing as all of Busey's confused red-carpet lunging on The Most Important Night In Showbiz was, we found ourselves even more disturbed after learning about his "interesting odor."

Poor kooky Gary Busey, who accosted celebrities like Ryan Seacrest on the Oscars red carpet, is just trying to apologize. But his crazy vapors keep muddling his mouth words so instead of just saying "I'm sorry Ryan" he calls the plastic personality "an innocent champion of honesty." He also claims that he didn't know that Ryan was in the middle of an interview. Busey, who has "an interesting odor", actually thought that he and Ryan were alone in a peaceful meadow, where truth needed championing and hugs were beautiful gifts from the gods. Video about his apology after the jump.

All told, we here at Defamer devoted five hours and forty-six minutes to watching and chronicling the 2008 Academy Awards last night. And wouldn't you know it, during that stretch, there were only a handful of moments that we'll remember next week, let alone next year. To that end, we gave Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer the unenviable assignment of paring last night's overblown monstrosity down to only its most essential elements. So wave buh bye to no-name costume designers and bid a not-so-fond farewell to Jon Stewart's blandly serviceable monologue, for this two-minute bestlight reel is chock full of moments like Gary Busey neck-raping Jennifer Garner, Joey Fatone drinking Lisa Rinna's milkshake and Tilda Swinton giving George Clooney's rubber nipples the business (among other gems). Enjoy!

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about how your spotting of Jimmy Fallon confirmed everything you always suspected about what his hair might look in person.