I gave up drinking coffee again yesterday. Obviously this is the worst decision that anyone in my position could ever possibly make, but whatever. I had to stop drinking it because it was fucking with my tummy. Know what else fucks with my tummy? Being pilloried by random internet strangers about my appearance in our blog comments. "Oh, the irony," you'll say. And you'll be wrong! This is our playground. Get your own damn blogs, men. It's easy.