The beautiful thing about Thanksgiving is that no two plates are ever the same; no two stuffings or pies or turkey legs are the same. It's a melting pot! Like America! So what does your meal look like today? Are you feasting on a deep fried turducken? Or is this year's fare a slab of tofurkey with a side of locally-sourced vegan dressing?

Call it the Seinfeldization of America, if you want. Somewhere in the last 20 years, a great mass of our fellow citizens decided that transforming every quotidian obligation of their existence into a Sisyphean fucking ordeal was an acceptable substitute for having something to say.

Hey everyone, how's your morning going? Did you get up early to run the Turkey Trot? That's a rhetorical question because of course you did not, that would be a complete waste of time: today is Thanksgiving.