Famous Fat Dave is a cabbie. He's also a gourmand, and he's also a bit of self-promoter (we say that admiringly), and so we found in our inbox a few weeks ago a press release from Mr. Fat Dave pushing his "Five Borough Eating Tour on the Wheels of Steel." There was no question we were interested, and there was no question who'd go a-touring; this was the perfect assignment for Gawker mascot (and glutton for all things) Andrew Krucoff. After the jump, Kruc, avec photog, hails Fat Dave's cab, picks up his roommate and a pair of comedians to help punch up his material, and heads out for a night of taxiing and eating, taxiing and eating.

Nothing brings out the drunken college kids like the first vaguely warmer days of spring. (We drunken out-of-college kids drink proudly and consistently, heedless of weather.) So suddenly, here they are. And they're confusing us. To help us understand the folkways of this exotic tribe, we asked Gawker Mascot and amateur anthropologist Andrew Krucoff to don his trusty pith helmet, enlist earnest documentarian Nikola Tamindzic, and head to the remotest depths of the Central Village — the native habitat of this unusual people — to investigate. After the jump, his reports of beer pong, fake IDs, and the dreaded Look of Shame.