A Wisconsin priest slapped "God Squad" on his black Volkswagen beetle and almost got slapped with a trademark lawsuit from Best Buy. Ultimately, the retail giant won and Father Luke Strand removed the logo after a cease and desist order.

Company-review site Glassdoor says that according to employees at both companies, Apple's repair technicians — known as "geniuses," with the attitude to match — make $18.30 per hour and $36,000 per year on average. That's about 56 percent more than Best Buy's Geek Squad "agents," who earn $11.58 per hour and $23,000 per year. The reason for the difference? Apple's "geniuses" are tasked with repairing beautiful objects that restore your sense of childlike wonder, whilst their Best Buy counterparts open tickets on junk in black plastic cases. Right, Steve?

Trying to download the Sex and the City movie last night, I had to wonder, When is a torrent site more comfort than a Cosmo? If you can't fulfill your Sex-seeking ladylove's needs with some unpacked .rar files, I understand. So does Best Buy's Geek Squad, which is offering rescue packages composed of quarters and excuses for men who don't want to lose quality videogame time to the premiere of the world's most commercially viable feature-length shoe porn. Geek Squad has it only half-right: Why not save your quarters and hire a girl to be professional company at the multiplex — for your girlfriend? (Photo: Daniella Zalcman)

Best Buy's Geek Squad is holding a memorial tonight to honor Arthur C. Clarke. Alas. Everyone was far too polite to say this about the recently deceased sci-fi writer: Had he lived in the U.S. rather than Sri Lanka, he'd be a prime membership candidate for the North American Man-Boy Love Association. "Once they have reached the age of puberty, it is OK... It doesn't do any harm," Clarke told the U.K.'s Sunday Mirror in 1998. More or less exiled from Britain over his underage affairs, he continued to pursue them in the South Asian island nation. Authorities there turned a blind eye. This is all well known among the more sophisticated realms of fandom — but not, apparently, Best Buy headquarters in South Richfield, Minn. At 8:01 p.m., every Geek Squad repairman will pause to think reverently of a champion of child abuse. The press release: