After opening his mouth and expelling a noxious cloud of racist words about heroin dealers named “D Money” who are constantly knocking up Maine’s white women, Gov. Paul LePage today explained he only said those things because of his “slow” brain. Sure!

Bogdan Ionescu was slapped with a £20 fine by police and chastised for riding his bike in Cologne, Germany with only one handbrake, even though he only has one arm. Authorities finally apologized and reimbursed him—three months later.

Here is a full page ad in today's issue of The Onion (click to enlarge) that is so stupid I had to photograph it with my cell phone camera in a spontaneous feat of journalism. "LIVE HERE OR DIE," it says. This is an ad for Williamsburg Edge, the execrable new high rise yuppie condo in the Burg that previously declared itself to be "Gritty." So, can we all agree on "Die?" We'll take "Die," thanks.