An LAPD task force focusing on internet crimes against children reportedly executed a search warrant on KISS tongue guy Gene Simmons’ home last night. Neither Simmons nor his family members are currently suspects in the investigation and all were said to be “very cooperative.”

Face paint garbage mouth Gene Simmons, who recently told those suffering from depression to kill themselves, had some advice for women in a recent interview with Fox News host garbage mouth Andrea Tantaros. In short: find a way to make your own money and stop depending on men. Aw jeeze, Gene, us ladies? But how?

Gene Simmons has issued an apology on Facebook after taking part in an interview during which he told those suffering from depression, "fuck you, then kill yourself." All better?

Legendary dipshit Gene Simmons is taking KISS and Motley Crue on tour. What's that going to be like? Take it away, Gene:

Alexis Stewart drops a bombshell: She has seen her mother pee, and it was disturbing. Elizabeth Hurley gets engaged. James Marsden gets divorced. Joseph Gordon-Levitt ruminates on the relative sexiness of slaves. Monday gossip has mommy issues.

Not even Canada wants Russell Brand. Gene Simmons finally gets married, which means he can have sex for the first time. Kim Kardashian is nice to someone. Sunday gossip is ready to go hunting at Rick Perry's camp!

After the online vigilante group Anonymous attacked his websites last October, KISS bassist Gene Simmons promised to hunt the perpetrators down and "sue their pants off." In an interview this week he struck a much softer tone.

The attack against KISS frontman Gene Simmons' website last year was one of the most bizarre campaigns in the history of the online vigilante group Anonymous. But the FBI is on the case and has raided the home of a Washington man thought to be involved in the attack.

Gene Simmons visited Fox & Friends to talk about new music and his support of the troops. The gang didn't get to the troops but they did get to discuss Bill O'Reilly's favorite pop icon, Lady Gaga.

If there's one thing Sophie's learned from her father, it's that sex sells. This week, she and her cousin borrowed a page from the American Apparel handbook and attempted to make "plumber's crack" a more pleasant experience for everyone involved.

20 years ago, Gene Simmons would've laughed if you told him he'd be getting a pedicure on television—especially one that scares him. And While the blood-spewing, tongue-lashing Simmons is a classic, the Nouveau Simmons is pretty hilarious, too.

Sienna and Jude's balls: Barbados-bound. Together they'll make domestic reconciliation layer cake. Lady Gagadong's moneyballs will drop on New Years. William Hurt is your new existential bicycle. Gene Simmons is still trying to rock. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Gossip Girl's Blake Lively turns 22 today. Rachael Ray is turning 41. Regis Philbin is 78. Rachel Bilson is turning 28. Supermodel Claudia Schiffer turns 39. Sean Connery is turning 79. Director Tim Burton is 51. Rock star-turned-reality TV character Gene Simmons is 60. Actor Blair Underwood is turning 45. Theater producer Marc Routh turns 47. Disgraced media mogul Conrad Black will celebrate his 65th birthday behind bars today. And country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, who may be better known these days as the father of Miley Cyrus, is turning 48.

What did I learn from Twitter today? Diablo Cody thinks dicks are dicks, Ruth Reichl makes a mean Gene Simmons, and Michelle Obama has her own big-media stalkerblog. Excellent! More Twitterings from the media elite:

12/25 — GENE SIMMONS and family at Gonpachi — service and food was shitty but it was nice to see Gene and family having just as bad a time as we were. SHANNON TWEED looks fantastic and their son is fantastically tall. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

We're not sure why execs at the New York Stock Exchange decided to invite a man best known for breathing fire and spitting blood to ring the opening bell this morning. But they did, and Gene Simmons dutifully turned up, and the Kiss rocker concluded his visit by chatting with Fox Business. The "market expert" (Fox's words, not ours) isn't too worried about the recession, you'll be relieved to hear. He's downright bullish! "You know what I'm doing down here? I'm buying. Because the Dow is around 8,000. Guess what? It's going to go to 10,000 before you know it!" Watch the full video for more of Gene's thoughts on the bailout, the state of the U.S. auto industry, and our dependence on Mideast oil.

Rachael Ray celebrates the big 4-0 today, just a week after she earned the top spot on Forbes' list of the richest celebrity chefs. Others blowing out candles today: Regis Philbin is 77, Gossip Girl's Blake Lively is 21, Rachel Bilson is 27, and Kiss' Gene Simmons is 59. Actor Blair Underwood is turning 44. Country singer Billy Ray Cyrus is 47. Disgraced media mogul Conrad Black is 64. Theater producer Marc Routh is 46 today. Director Tim Burton is celebrating his 50th. Sean Connery is turning 78. And supermodel Claudia Schiffer is 38.

The predicted awfulness of CBS' upcoming American Idol-style ad jingle show Jingles has been confirmed, months before it actually debuts. It seems that-incredibly-hundreds of people have already auditioned for the show, and many of the audition tapes are available on YouTube. Ad Age has viewed them, and predicts a "trainwreck." We only have the stomach to bring you one of the auditions; below, a sample jingle for "Fruit It Up" candy, from a bizarre pink-clad singing duo. What would Gene Simmons have to say about this?

If you didn't think reality television could get any better than a show about people singing ad jingles and being judged by scandal-plagued former Wal-Mart marketing chief-turned ad world fameball Julie Roehm, think again! Roehm-whose flirting once cost an ad agency a $580 million contract-can't judge all those jingles by herself. So CBS, in full scrambling mode, has selected another judge who is equally respected in the advertising industry: KISS burnout and sex tape star Gene Simmons!

Half the stories on this sluggish midsummer news day seem to concern the same bad idea at CBS: Jingles, the Mark Burnett-produced product placement platform reality series squaring songwriters off against each other in the pursuit of... the perfect ad jingle. We can't make this up, folks, and even if we could we probably wouldn't want to — especially not the part in which the newsworthiest elements of the show are its judges: A kerfuffle-plagued, ex-Wal-Mart marketing guru and — seriously, we're too exhausted/sad/Dark Knighted-out to fuck with you — Gene Simmons: