It is against my gay nature to speak ill of Cher, but since she's been on a media tour promoting her impending schlockfest Burlesque, she just sounds like an old. That's not going to sell tickets, Cher!

Millennials! Who are they and what do they want from us? They Facebook their MySpaces all day and Twitter their iPhones all night, and they have terrible manners! Have they come to take us to a Home? Morley Safer investigated on last Sunday's 60 Minutes. [In a repeat, apparently!] The video of the segment is below the jump. It will terrify you! These kids have tattoos and still expect to hold jobs and there are 80 million of them.

Gap, a clothing company that seems cheaper than it actually is, just announced the winners of its Gap kids model contest. The winners were announced on the Rachel Ray Show, a show that has come to represent blind consumerism, brash and abrasive cheer and the privileging of ease over quality in matters both culinary and philosophical. Anyway, on to the kids! There are four of them. Only one has a name that is rather common (Samantha). Of the other three, Parker is the cutest, Jaron sounds the most annoying and Kenadi is only 3 but also fucking cute. Samantha, and this is just a gloss, but she's also annoying. She's seven and of the sixteen words used to express her, nine are used to say, "She wants to be famous when she grows up."