Researchers are mapping rock star Ozzy Osbourne's genome hoping to learn something about how the hell he survived, despite all the drugs, and the bat heads. Hopefully they will also figure out what made Master of Reality so bitching. [CBS]

Scientists working on sequencing the Neanderthal genome have discovered that 1 to 4 percent of most people's DNA is inherited from Neanderthals, proving that even back then most people were sluts who would really just sleep with whoever. [CSM]