Looking to add a little celebrity star power to your upcoming teen abstinence conference? Why settle for some preacher dork when you could have famous teen ma Bristol Palin as your headline speaker? For a modest fee.

Oh. Damn. Microtrend-spotting evil flack Mark Penn has struck upon the way to get rich. And he reveals it today, in his microtrend column! Totally. Ironclad. Moneymaking. This is why he's much wealthier than you: