John Cusack's meander through his second-consecutive anti-war film is coming under heavy fire at the Tribeca Film Festival, where War, Inc. bowed this week to the kinds of reviews that made his previous Iraq entry — the $50,899-grossing Grace is Gone — positively shine in comparison. While he and his agent sift around for a more reliable rom-com follow-up, our preliminary poke through the wreckage yields yet more smoldering evidence that Iraq is officially over as a dramatic subject. We piece together the eyewitness testimony after the jump:

Beyond the boardroom squabbles and oneupsmanship following Paramount's recent break with Showtime, two basic questions remain: Who will actually broadcast the new Paramount Channel? (Answer: Nobody, of course!) And besides its original series like Weeds and Dexter, what will Showtime air once its output deals expire in 2011? Come on — when you think of "corporate rescue," don't you think of Harvey Weinstein?

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, we'll surely be forced to endure another Pellicano trial! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you heard David Spade drop a bevy of F-bombs in front of toddlers at Koi.

The week that started with Les Moonves and Phillipe Dauman kickboxing in Sumner Redstone's corporate steel cage will apparently end with Dauman retreating to his corner of the Viacom boardroom for medical attention. Or at least that's the impression we glean from today's gloom-and-doom survey of the Great Pay-Cable Cockfight of 2008, during which Paramount broke off from cousin network Showtime after failing to renegotiate an output deal for its titles. On their own now with partners Lionsgate and MGM/UA, even Viacom/Paramount flacks acknowledge finding little comfort in the TV wild:

Rush Hour trilogy director Brett Ratner viciously fought off the accusations that he ordered his current girlfriend off an internet website. Ratner told reporters that he comes from Hollywood, where literally hundreds of women like her can be found working at Hot Dog on a Stick. He then launched into a horrid impression of Al Pacino's character from Scarface. Ratner said, "In Hollywood, you gotta make the money first (Ratner made the international hand gesture for check). Then when you get the money, you get the power (Ratner made the gesture again). Then when you get the power, then you get the women." Ratner then pointed to his girlfriend and added, "If you have a passion for making soulless, loud action films, then you'll probably end up with somebody like her, too. It's easier than you'd think."

We've always tended to label the polished, well-spoken Gwyneth Paltrow as one of those overly perfect women you want to hate but, irritatingly, can't muster up any good reasons to. But thanks to her recent habit of promoting Iron Man across the globe while wearing some of the most fierce, outlandish, downright kinky pairs of shoes, we officially have no desire to hate the girl anymore. From Rome to London to New York, Paltrow's wildly varied kickers range from towering 7-inch beauties to strappy lace-up ankle booties. And we (well, I) want 'em all. A closer look at Gwyneth's racy choices after the jump.

We honestly thought there was no way we'd be able to shoehorn a reference to the NHL playoffs—and, more specifically, a tuque-tip to our beloved Habs, who dismembered the Bruins 5-0 Monday, inciting one of many dépanneur-looting riots to come—in this space. But that was before we came across this beyond-inspired gallery at SI.com, placing some of the lesser-known faces under the helmets alongside their celebrity doppelgangers. The effect, in certain instances, is nothing short of astonishing, introducing a whole new audience to the likes of Sharks goalie Evgeni "Chino" Nabokov, and Penguins center Sidney "Stick in a Box" Crosby.

Word over the Defamer transom this morning suggests yet another high-profile agency move, with UTA partner Tracey Jacobs reportedly packing her bags (and clients including Johnny Depp) for the greener pastures of Endeavor. Jacobs' departure would follow that of her colleagues Nick Stevens, Sharon Sheinwold and Lisa Hallerman earlier this month, further driving rumors of a UTA merger or sell-off as the talent division melts down.

Musician/actor Jim Belushi spent a majority of the Lakers' playoff game yesterday pitching Tobey Maguire various projects that Belushi has been developing. Belushi first pitched Maguire on a reboot of the K-9 franchise, which was followed quickly by a project where Maguire would be a cop from a foreign country and Belushi is a cop from LA and they have to team up to solve a major international crime. Belushi noticed that Maguire's attention was fading, so Belushi pulled out what he thought was his trump card, a project about a wacky married guy and his equally as wacky uncle trying to figure women out. Maguire paused for a moment and replied, "I'm sorry, you were saying something?"

While most of us fled the office to enjoy early spring, Sumner Redstone spent another relaxing weekend watching his corporate children at Viacom gouge each others' eyes out. And this time around he got his money's worth, with Paramount finally breaking free from CBS/Showtime to start its own pay-cable and VOD service with MGM and Lionsgate. It's an untidy, somewhat shocking scenario that we (and seemingly the rest of the Web) can't yet make sense of, but join us after the jump to parse the winners and losers at a glance.

James Caan and Jake Gyllenhaal are the latest casualties of David O. Russell's tastefully hands-on directing style, which this week resulted in the Caan's departure from and Gyllenhaal's apparent whimpering around the set of Russell's latest film, Nailed. As reported today, Caan walked out after "creative differences" with the tempestuous filmmaker best known for berating Lily Tomlin while shooting I Heart Huckabees (or is it for fighting George Clooney during Three Kings? It's always been too close for us to call).

Nicholas Stoller is having a very good year. After being taken under the mighty wing of Judd Apatow, his hilarious-yet-touching directorial debut, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, opens today. Not only that, he and star Jason Segel are currently making the new Muppet movie. Clearly, it's time to learn a little more about this guy before he becomes too much of a big shot. Since they're old friends, we asked our frequent guest-blogger Nick Malis (who contractually required us to plug Malis in Wonderland and Cute Things Falling Asleep) to interview Stoller. What follows is a fascinating portrait of a young artist at the dawn of his career. Also, he talks about penises a lot. Stick around after the jump to hear Stoller opine on the homoerotic world of Judd Apatow's office, seeing Kristen Bell naked, and what Richard Roeper is like in bed.

The always fashion forward Mary Kate Olsen told reporters that she was running late and just threw on whatever she could find. Whatever she could find happened to be a patio chair and a piece of her cats' scratching post. Olsen told a reporter that she got caught up with her Blackberry and just lost track of time and she just thought that the scratching post looked really cool.

Actor Idris Elba and his publicist would like to inform the general public that while he may have played the character, "Stringer Bell" on the critically acclaimed series, The Wire, his name is actually Idris Elba. Elba and his publicist in the future hope with the aid of this campaign to curtail the number of people shouting "Stringer Bell."

At the prom themed after party for Prom Night, Brittany Snow proudly showed off the latest issue of Kewl Magazine which featured Snow on the cover. Snow seemed more concern about showing everybody her first magazine cover and their reaction to that as opposed to the film. Snow remarked to a friend, "How cool is it to be on the cover of Kewl? OMG, that's me!"

An overly excited Danny DeVito re-introduced his own line of Limoncello liqueur to the public in Las Vegas. DeVito explained to the press that if it wasn't for Limoncello, he wouldn't be where he is today. "Asking for Rhea's hand in marriage, that was about three limoncellos. Whether or not to take Taxi, that was one limoncello and about twelve for Jackie Nicholson. Just about every decision in my life requires at least one to two limoncellos," DeVito replied before welling up.

Playwright/filmmaker David Mamet warned the press line at the premiere of his latest film Redbelt to refrain from making references to his prior work. Mamet told the studio's publicist to be on the watch for some wise ass from one of those "Extra Inside Access Entertainment" show who always does a horrible rendition of Alec Baldwin's monologue from Glengary Glen Ross. Mamet said that every time I hear the guy, it makes me feel as if I'm in a community college acting class; what did I ever do deserve this degree of a personal hell?

At the premiere for the upcoming film, Street Kings, Keanu Reeves and his powerful phermones caused a woman to pass out from her heightened state of excitement. The unidentified woman told near by fans that she couldn't believe she was able to get so close to the Bill & Ted star, let alone have him say something to her. She thought at the most she was going to see the top of his head, but the woman instead was able to say "Hey" before passing out cold.

Jena Malone, star of the recently released horror film, The Ruins, snapped when a reporter asked her about another film of hers, Into the Wild. The reporter felt the film never fully explained why the main character went into the wild. At first, Malone handled the question with poise and grace and suggested that he direct that question to Sean Penn. Yet the reporter persisted until Malone broke down and stormed away; the reporter followed up his question with another question, "What was with that Donnie Darko movie, anyways?"

At a screening of the upcoming film, Smart People, Sarah Jessica Parker played Henry Higgins as she displayed her latest creation, a fierce and more girly Ellen Page. Page described the experience like being on an episode of "What Not To Wear," but with a heavy emphasis on shoes. Parker hopes that this fresh look put an end to all of those rumors surrounding Page the past few months.