Doug Hoffman was the ultra-conservative candidate that Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity backed in an election upstate. The district then went Democrat for the first time in 200 years. But don't worry, it was all an ACORN conspiracy.

Lib bigots and Muslims are sending America to hell. The only thing that can save us is the one-upmanship of right wing psychos competing to say the most outrageously xenophobic thing. Today's contenders: a television crazy, and a newspaper crazy.

Democrat Bill Owens originally had a 5,000 vote lead over Hoffman. That vote shrank to 3,000. There are 5,800 of absentee votes left to count! And though Hoffman would need to win 75% of those votes, and though presumably many of those votes were cast before Republican Dede Scozzafava withdrew from the race (and endorsed Owens), Hoffman has decided that his concession was premature. Well, Glenn Beck decided that Hoffman's concession was premature. And Hoffman just does whatever Glenn Beck says. Because he is a true conservative.

Maybe Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, and maybe he didn't. Wherever the truth lies, it's clear that the World Intellectual Property Organization has decided that he can't stop the internet from asking the question.

SNL Digest is back, because there's a lot of buzz about last night's Taylor Swift episode being really, really good, all over the internet! But is it substantiated? Was Kanye there? Did she come out about dating Taylor Lautner? Questions!

This week was all about gun violence and terrible elections and Jay Leno.

On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart performed a bravura 8-and-a-half minute monologue in the style of Glenn Beck on the subject of Glenn Beck's appendicitis.

In your thumping Thursday media column: Glenn Beck does not die on the operating table, more rumor-details on the Essence layoffs, Fortune and SI get hacked, and a dying newspaper goes glossy, for unknown reasons.

Hey, this frankly amazing Onion video almost kinda came true! Glenn Beck suffered an appendicitis attack on-air today.

• The cuts continue at Time Inc. Fortune Small Business was shuttered today. And as many as 500 employees may lose their jobs when all is said and done. Meanwhile, parent company Time Warner reported a drop in revenues and earnings in the third quarter, as expected. [NYT, WWD, AdAge, NYP]
• Profits were up at News Corp. thanks to its film, cable, and book units. [BN]
• The publisher of Marie Claire has jumped over to Vogue. [NYO]
• Fox News came out on top in the ratings with its election night coverage. CNN performed miserably, dropping down to fourth place. [NYT, Politico]
• WNET is giving employees off between Christmas and New Year's. It's not to be nice; it's designed to cut costs since the days off are unpaid. [Crain's]
• A theory as to why Tom McGeveran quit the Observer. [Daily Intel]
• Highlights from last weekend's Tribeca Film Festival, Doha edition. [Vulture]

ABC's new sci-fi series V kicks off tonight. It concerns a charismatic leader who comes out of nowhere promising a bright future and a better life for all Americans. Is that leader Barack Obama or is it a space lizard?

At the end of one of his frequent guest appearances on the O'Reilly Factor tonight, Glenn Beck made an exciting announcement.

• Tom McGeveran took over as editor of the Observer after Peter Kaplan made his exit this spring, but now he's headed out the door as well. [NYO]
• Layoffs: The cuts at Condé Nast continue though they should end soon; the layoffs at Forbes this week were deep ones: 1 in 4 editorial staffers were let go.
• Newsday's website erected a pay wall today. Good luck with that. [E&P]
• The Michael Jackson movie This Is It sold $2.2 million in tickets on its opening night, which is pretty good considering it was a Tuesday. [LAT, NYT]

Glenn Beck's public image as a grandiose paranoid ex-drunk is so unshakable that now he's hoping his publicist Matthew Hiltzik's good reputation will rub off on him: He's got such a nice flack, he can't really be a monster, right?

Well, that happens once every hour or so. But this time he's angry at Anita Dunn, the mean White House Communications Director who hates Glenn Beck and loves Chairman Mao.

This Glenn Beck tweet links to a blog that has misread a piece of obvious (and terrible) satire, penned by a right-wing talk radio producer. Just like he did last week. They don't even get the unfunny jokes they make themselves!

It only cost the city of Mount Vernon, Washington $17,748.85 in police overtime and whatnot to host their "Glenn Beck Day." Cheaper than buying a slave! [UPI]

According to American popular intellectual Glenn Beck, "Net Neutrality" is a Marxist plot to control content, on the internet, by which he means that the jackbooted Obama storm troopers want to take away your World Net Daily.

• Both Google and Facebook are getting into the music biz, apparently. [NYT]
• ESPN's Steve Phillips has a pretty messy sex scandal on his hands. [NYP]
• Condé Nast's latest effort to branch out: It's starting discount travel site called Jetsetter in partnership with Gilt Groupe. Meanwhile, this week's Observer recaps Condé's recent problems and reflects on the good 'ol days. [NYT, NYO]
• People's decision to pay big bucks for exclusive pics of kidnapee Jaycee Dugard sure paid off. The issue sold 2 million copies last week. [WWD]
• Who will be the next editor of BusinessWeek? Jon Friedman thinks former Portfolio editor Joanne Lipman would be a "fine choice." And she may be, provided Bloomberg is looking to destroy what's left of the magazine. [MW]
• Michael Steele is now (officially) Us Weekly's editor-in-chief. [NYT]
• How many people despise cable news clown Glenn Beck? Enough that the network has hired a bodyguard to follow him everywhere he goes. [P6]
• Yet another book "by" Michael Jackson may be coming soon. Super! [Crain's]

• Yesterday, Broadway actress Pia Glenn slammed Salman Rushdie, saying her ex-boyfriend was "dysfunctional" and was still obsessed with his ex-wife, Padma Lakshmi. Today, it's Rushdie's turn to hit back. Not has he "long ago turned the page and moved on" from Lakshmi, he says, he would also like you to know that Glenn is "a large, radioactive bucket of stress," "an accomplished liar," and also happens to be "broke and unemployed." So we're guessing a reconciliation is totally out of the question here? [P6]
• Expect to see an angry video by Tricia Walsh-Smith posted to YouTube any minute now. A state appeals court rejected the rage-filled divorcée's motion to undo her pre-nup to theater mogul Philip Smith yesterday. [P6]
• A California teenager has been charged with burglarizing Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Patridge's homes and making off with $170,000. [People, NYDN]
• Is Ali Wise's PR career over now that four women have accused her of voicemail hacking? That's what the Post suggests today, with a source telling the paper that "Wise is now radioactive in the industry." Then again, if there's anything we can learn from Lizzie Grubman's not-so-pretty past, it's that people who work in PR tend to be a very forgiving bunch. [NYP]