global-warming

Arrest Climate-Change Deniers

Adam Weinstein · 03/28/14 01:53PM

Man-made climate change happens. Man-made climate change kills a lot of people. It's going to kill a lot more. We have laws on the books to punish anyone whose lies contribute to people's deaths. It's time to punish the climate-change liars.

Natural Gas For Cars Does Not Help the Environment

Hamilton Nolan · 02/14/14 10:31AM

You care about the environment, eh? You want to stop global warming? You support switching cars and trucks and buses to "clean burning natural gas?" Wrong! Our best-laid plans only hasten our demise.

Appreciate This Beautiful Freezing Snow Nightmare While You Can

Ken Layne · 01/03/14 05:35PM

It seems there's a bit of inclement weather on the East Coast, and also around the Great Lakes and the Midwest and (who knows?) maybe even Texas and the South. Please enjoy your blizzards and Winter Wonderland, because snow and cold are beautiful things, and one day you can tell your starving children living underground what it was like to go outside on a crisp winter's day.

2014 Is the Year of the Seven-Toed 3D Pornography Beast

Ken Layne · 01/01/14 10:00AM

On this New Year's Day in America, 2014, the nation's typists ("thought leaders") are required to use their long-dormant psychic abilities to designate the next 12 months as the Year of Something or Other, whether that be "accidental mass suicide" or "wearable automobiles" or "raccoon-sized talking spiders." Such predictions will generally be wrong, yet there is also the remote possibility that the simple act of making a prediction will cause it to happen, no matter how ridiculous or vile.

Hamilton Nolan · 12/18/13 12:46PM

The scientific consensus about what will happen to billions of humans over the next century as climate change intensifies: "We'll die."

Hamilton Nolan · 12/10/13 12:00PM

In America in 2013, a news story on a new record cold temperature in Antarctica (-135.8!) finds it necessary to include this explanation from a prominent scientist: "Just because one spot on Earth has set records for cold that has little to do with global warming because it is one spot in one place." Jesus we're dumb.

Ken Layne · 12/06/13 05:05PM

Did you know those tasty little Northern Shrimp can live for five years? That's kindergarten age! Anyway, you'll be eating a lot less Maine shrimp next year, because the fishery collapsed due to warming oceans. No more Maine shrimp.

Good News For Bored People! Climate Change Promises Nonstop Excitement

Ken Layne · 11/12/13 05:06PM

If you love excitement, you're going to love these last years of your life. Civil war, food riots, monster storms and a lot more apocalyptic religious extremism will spice up even the dullest and most comfortable existence, according to a new United Nations report on the now-constant insanity we boringly call "climate change." But even the weather seems to be capitalist, because the demons of global warming most enjoy hurting the poor.

The Disastrous, Watery Future of South Florida

Hamilton Nolan · 11/11/13 11:08AM

Barring a huge public works project the likes of which the world has never seen, south Florida is doomed. Its end will come not from Bugs Bunny wielding a saw, but from the gentle lapping of waves higher and higher upon the shore. Three points to ponder:

Monster Typhoon Among History's Largest, Strongest Storms Ever

Ken Layne · 11/07/13 04:01PM

The monstrous storm seen in this new satellite image is the biggest of the year and one of the most powerful tropical cyclones of all time. "Super typhoon" Haiyan is currently thrashing the entirety of the Philippines with sustained winds of 190 mph and gusts up to 230 mph, and then it's headed for Vietnam. It's such a wildly dangerous storm that it's even terrifying the weather forecasters.

Is Environmentalism a Religion? Sure, Why Not!

Ken Layne · 10/11/13 10:15AM

If the grim news about our slow-cooking world has got you down, you might be an environmentalist. Recycling bins, hiking boots, and that reusable grocery bag you got at the farmer's market are other signs that you may have ecological beliefs and concerns. To the industrial propagandists, even your awareness of the hotter temperatures and horrific storms is proof that your green behavior is actually a religion. So what would happen if 10 million or 50 million religious environmentalists suddenly appeared on the national scene?

"Oilfield Trash" and a Boom That Won't Last

Ken Layne · 10/08/13 11:18AM

People are strangers out here on the oil patch, and public conversation is terse and muted. You never know when an oil company manager or safety inspector or corporate spy is sniffing around. I learned after the first day in Williston, N.D., that my usual work uniform of an old sports coat and tie made me suspect. Leaving the tie at the motel helped, but not much.

Harvard Goes Too Far in Rejecting Divestment

Hamilton Nolan · 10/04/13 10:10AM

There has been a growing movement of late to push colleges and universities to get rid of all their investments in fossil fuels, in the same way they were pushed to divest from holdings in apartheid South Africa a generation ago. Harvard has answered: no thx.