Pilgrims walk with crosses on the final leg of the Northern Cross pilgrimage to Holy Island, in Berwick Upon Tweed, England, on Friday. The pilgrims walk around 100 miles through Northumberland and the Scottish Borders during Holy Week. Image via Scott Heppell/AP.

Come for the 58-, 63-year-old Richmond, Virginia, resident "getting his Kung Fu Nunchuck Panda on" in the Parking Lot of a local Food Lion on Good Friday, stay for Rev. Aamon R. "Who's Your Daddy" Miller's good-mood-resurrecting play-by-play.

Easter is the best holiday for sadists, as Catholics worldwide bloody themselves imitating the passion of Christ, just like Mel Gibon's torture porno with that name. It's also rural Filipinos' annual season of infamy, for literally nailing themselves to crosses.