The New York Parks Department has yet to return our phone calls on the official identification of the wet slab of species found along the East River over the weekend. Why? Because they're busy. Apparently, the top priority of this local agency doesn't involve keeping New York City's residents safe from being overrun by mutant creatures subsisting on a diet of infant limbs and household pets. Luckily, Gothamist found one Cornell professor to tell them it's a dog, specifically a small dog "obviously bloated." That's one theory.

Think back to the summer of 2008, when city-dwellers and scientists were all vexed and perplexed by the hook-nosed carcass stinking up the craggy shores of Long Island. Later dubbed the Montauk Monster, the apocryphal stories emerged about secret nuclear animal test centers and, for a brief instant, New York appeared to have its next biggest tourist attraction since Stomp! [UPDATE: New speculation received in the last hour tells us this is no goddamn pig.]

Public Service Announcement to all you hardy adventurers, beachcombers, and cryptozoologists out there: no, you did not just find another Montauk Monster. You're not even in Montauk.

Summer monster season has begun! This foot-long creature with a rats tail was found in a creek in Northern Ontario. Elders used to find them all the time, but this is the first Oomajinakoos to be found in forty years.

Poor 'Oriental Yeti'. Not only did the media give you an antiquated name after you were trapped by some hunters in Sichuan, China: You have no hair! Scientists are baffled. We are, too: Aren't Yetis supposed to be scary? [Telegraph]

Here is a frightening thing for a frightening time. A 2.5-foot giant isopod that was found attached to a submersible robot. These actually exist, deep under the sea, where they feast on whale carcasses. Another terrifying angle, after the jump.

As is required of all blogs these days, The Awl gets its very own monster.

A young gentleman on Twitter asks, "I found the new montauk monster. Gawker, where you at???" Well, we're right here, young "hellatightshit." And what is it you have for your friends at Gawker Monster Investigations? UPDATE! He's named!

Pretty quiet summer monster season this year, right? Wrong, mi amigo. A distant cousin of the Montauk Monster emerged from its cave in Panama. Then terrified kids beat it to death.

Summer is in full swing, so you know what that means: Monsters! It was exactly one year ago today that we first reported on the Montauk Monster and now something that looks like Monty's cousin has emerged in Toronto. Alive!

Somebody forgot to do the exorcism, because the Montauk Monster has been found. Again.

The residents of North Devon, England don't know what to make of the fanged creature found on a local beach. Seal? Sea lion? BEAST OF EXMOOR, PERHAPS?

So it's happened: the Montauk Monster has sold out. This Brazilian Volkswagen ad purportedly features a "dogfish," but its true identity is clear. You've come a long way, Monty. Video proof after the jump:

Earlier this summer, Chinatown Garbage tourister Nate Hill told everyone, plus his dad, about his E.V.E. art project via video: "I know how much you love African art... [it's a] life size female human being that I'm currently sewing together. It should be complete around September." Well gee-boy was he right. The creepy thing—which "contains parts from buffalo, cat, cow, coyote, dog, fish, guinea hen, lobster, octopus, ox, pig, rabbit, shrimp, and squirrel"—is done, right on schedule. In light of this summer's real (Montuak) monsters, man-made beasts are suddenly looking hip for Fall.It's her hand, above. This part below is the head! Duh.

No, not Putin! Ha ha! In an effort to ramp up competition with the United States, Russia has produced its own version of the feared and revered Montauk Monster. It's the Moscow Monster! Its carcass washed ashore on the Eastern coast of the Motherland, indicating that Sarah Palin likely shot it from hundreds of yards away in Alaska, while nestled in her rooftop hunting blind. Russian scientists have yet to identify the creature. Note that it is a more hideous and distorted version of the kinder, gentler American original (but don't worry, some good Russian things recently washed up on our shores). Click through for larger, horrifying image.

Did the secret monster army being bred on Plum Island lose another experimental "marine?" Or did the Montauk Monster simply move from one side of Long Island to the other via an overflowing drainage system? The North Shore Sun received pictures of a dead creature that supposedly looked like Monty and that was seen by at least three Long Islanders before mysteriously disappearing, probably because its body was snatched by a secret Plum Island/Homeland Security commando team. The summer of monsters truly is endless! One witness' report, plus a larger version of the picture at left, after the jump.

Apocalypse Meow! Our endless Summer of Monsters lurches on! The Post reports today about a cat that is 'ear marked' (har... har... wheeze...) because, zomg, it has four ears. A scan of the picture is above. The cat's name is Yoda. It can hear you twice as well. "People do a double take when they see him or his picture," said the cat's owner. "It's great fun showing him off." That's the spirit. "Freak cat! Er'body look! Monster cat!" Oh Yoda. Horrible harbinger of doom you are. Click through for larger image of the demon feline.

I have terrible news. The Broadway-bound revival of swingin' Godsex musical Godspell has been postponed. And you know why? The economy. Yes the bad economy is even stopping Jesus. What terrible, hellacious times are we living in, anyway? You'd half expect to see demons filling our streets... And! Wait, yes! Look, there they are. Hell beasts, and Bigfeet, and all manner of other two-headed ghouls. It's the summer of monsters, lurching into our world from the ruined corners of this modern world. After the jump we'll take a digested look at this season's many abominable creatures.

Oh awesome. A think piece/interview about the Montauk Monster photograph and what it says about our faith in media. The phenomenon has ascended to a new plane. [Newsweek]

Next item on the eBay auction block: Montauk Monster toast.