How can we fix global warming? (Assuming it's not a plot hatched by public employee unions to force sharia law on the U.S.) One solution, promoted egghead "scientists," would be to stop driving cars and focus on renewable energy sources. But new computer models suggest a much easier, and far more fun, solution: A nuclear war!

Looks like Egypt's ancient artifacts will survive the uprising relatively unscathed: Not only are civilians detaining would-be looters, but 288 items stolen from a storage site were "left in the street" after antiquities chief Zahi Hawass asked for their return.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D - Ariz.), who was shot in the head by a gunman a week ago, has had her condition upgraded to "serious." Which is a good thing! They also removed the breathing tube from her throat. [WSJ]

A massive new study appears to show that a daily dosage of common antiretroviral pill called Truvada to HIV-negative patients is 90 percent effective at preventing HIV infection. Terrific news! Too bad no one knows who'll pay for it.

So maybe weed is bad for you, but on the other hand, drinking is good for you! If you're a middle-aged woman having a drink or two in the afternoon. Which—let's be honest—you are.

Florida's attorney general says he will not appeal a court decision striking down the state's gay adoption ban. It's gone for good!

Bob Woodward's new book, "Obama's Wars," said that Afghan President Hamad Karazi has been diagnosed as manic-depressive. On Larry King, Karzai denied this report, calling it "rather funny." But that's just the kind of thing a manic depressive would say.

People who drink heavily have lower mortality rates than those who don't drink at all, according to a new study. Why? Could be because they're way more fun at parties. No, really! Science says so!

Chilean miners, trapped underground without contact for 17 days, sent a message to the surface saying that they were all alive. "The 33 of us in the shelter are well," read the note, "and could someone please DVR Mad Men."

BP reports there is currently no more oil leaking into the Gulf. About damn time!

Federal district court judge Joseph Tauro struck down the Defense of Marriage Act on Thursday as unconstitutional. The Justice Department might appeal, but till then you can gay marry all you want and the feds can't touch you. [Boston Globe]

Because of the riot at last week's South Street Seaport concert for Hanson and rapper Drake, organizers have cancelled two more concerts including one by horrible pop act Ke$ha. We never thought we'd say this, but thanks Hanson!

Ceding to international pressure, Israel will revise its blockade of Gaza to prohibit only weapons and things that could be used to make weapons. Presumably, formerly-banned goods like chickens and nutmeg will be allowed, barring advances in weapon-making technology. [Haaretz]

Good news! President Obama has given his stamp of approval to a compromise on repealing the Pentagon's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, which effectively bars gay people from serving in the military. It might even happen this week!

A new study says that urban kids (homicide) and rural kids (suicide, accidents) are equally likely to die from guns. Good? Another study says that a mere 7.7 million children under five will die this year. Yay? [WP, NYT]

The conservative president of Portugal ratified a law allowing gay marriage on Monday.

Continuing his never-ending quest to undermine traditional marriage, President Obama issued a memo ordering most hospitals to honor patients' visitation wishes, meaning that gay homos can now visit their sick and dying gay homo lovers. Next stop: bestiality. [Pic via]

Zatarain's! HBO has already renewed their new drama Treme, which just premiered on Sunday night, for a second season. The president of HBO cites the show's quality, not necessarily its numbers (1.4 million), as the reason. Yay Nola. [THR]

If all the earthquakes lately have you worrying that the Mole Gods are angry and the world is maybe ending, there there. Science has just patted our heads and reassured us that everything is normal. It's all just coincidence!