It is, sadly, the final day of orientation for freshmen congressional Republicans. Boo! Hopefully they all got laid at least once. But if not, tonight's the night, because the freshmen are throwing the most lavish kegger of all, for themselves.

Tea Party Rep.-elect Joe Walsh is so not hypocritical that he'll turn down his "cushy" government health insurance next year. This sucks for his wife, who "has a pre-existing medical condition and is now forced to hunt for a plan."

The many incoming Republican members of Congress are still enjoying Freshmen orientation: Boring lectures by day, secret Boehner orgies by night. But are these sore, hungover noobs even learning anything? Yes! It's all found in Eric Cantor's Official Freshmen Guide.