Nothing matters more on the Upper East Side than status. We love the Mad Men power rankings Mark Lisanti's compiling for Movieline, but we thought the concept would be even more apt for the back-biting, social-climbing universe of Gossip Girl

I went to Fashion's Night Out at Bergdorf's last night to see you bartend, but you were gone. Always wanted to thank you for that magical moment we shared at the Beatrice Inn. So I thought I'd do it here!

at last night's launch party for Anna Sui's Gossip Girl-inspired line for Target, to New York's Daily Intel.

Lindsay Lohan's vagina makes a surprisingly discreet reappearance, Michael Jackson's good for real estate, Perez Hilton lied to Tyra and Lady Gaga talks blow.

Aug. 28 @ 11:10am [Submit Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Ed ordered a burger at Shake Shack. Nobody recognized him at the counter. The girl taking his order asked for his name, and he responded with a very British "Ed."

We always knew there must be another gay on the Upper East Side other than anemic twink Eric, but we had no idea it would be sartorially savvy stud Chuck Bass! Thank you Gossip Girl for answering our gay prayers.

Two teenage celebrities might be getting married, and therefore: doing it. Robert Pattinson's life is invaded by aliens. Paula wants back on Idol, and I want back in the womb. Madonna, Sinatra, Spears, Spacey. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

So, '90s indie darlings and the prototype for all Gen X hipsters, Sonic Youth, will perform on Gossip Girl. This either makes no sense at all, or the most sense ever.

• Polo Ralph Lauren has been hit with a lawsuit for stamping the word "lifeguard" on clothing without permission. Another company is claiming it trademarked the word years ago. [NYP]
• As expected, Escada filed for bankruptcy protection in a German court today. [Bloomberg]
• Is Bravo renewing The Fashion Show for a second season? That's unclear for the time being. [Cut]
• Tory Burch and Georgina Chapman are making cameos on the next season of Gossip Girl. [WWD]
• Now that visiting a tanning a salon is tantamount to sucking on asbestos or consuming toxic nuclear waste, is "pale the new tan"? [NYT]

Nude photos of Ashley Greene hit the net, Oprah eats Manhattan, Lilo and Samro get back together, Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper vacation in Spain together, Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan are in love and Kate Moss is aging rapidly.

If you don't have a DVR (for shame!), you're going to need to know when to sit down to catch your favorite series, like Mad Men, Project Runway, Gossip Girl, and 30 Rock. Then go buy a TiVo. Really.

Michael Jackson's doctor is still just as sketchy as before. Tom Cruise will raise your kids for you. Jude Law's new baby's name, rappers, witches, Heroes, Gossip Girls, and Ashton Kutcher's fake life. Presenting an epic Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Blake Lively and "Gossip Girl" cast runs lines and continues filming in Manhattan. Pic via Bauer-Griffin

[Submit your own Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] July 28th @ 9:30pm: Partied to a performance from Taylor Momsen's band, The Pretty Reckless, with Ed Westwick, Chace Crawford, Jessica Szhor, Matthew Settle, Connor Paolo, and Michelle Trachtenberg for her Sweet 16!

Megan Fox turns down the chance to be the next Bond girl, Amy Winehouse goes on trial for assaulting a charity ball dancer, Lily Allen has a new man, Simon Cowell turns 50, and Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick split.

• How does he find the time? It looks like Jon Gosselin has dumped his girlfriend from five minutes ago and is now focusing his attention on Star reporter Kate Major. (For this week, at least.) In what sounds like the most nausea-inducing meal ever, Gosselin and Major had dinner in the Hamptons last night with Michael Lohan and Jill and Bobby Zarin. [People, Star, Us]
• Rumor has it Gossip Girl's Jessica Szohr and Ed Westwick have split up. [P6]
• Jude Law got into a scuffle with a paparazzo last night. [Sun]
• Mischa Barton's publicist has been busy trying to land the troubled actress the cover of a weekly tabloid. Sadly, there have been no takers so far. [P6]

["Gossip Girl" actor Chace Crawford in boring old jeans and a T-shirt while Joanna Garcia gets to wear a fun dress and everything. Not fair. Image via Splash]

OMG, Gossip Girl was filming right outside our offices today!! We sent intern geniuses Whitney Jefferson and Cassie Seale down to film the teen girl madness. Video whizkid Mike Byhoff edited it together. The girls... they've gone wild! And gossipy!

[Penn Badgley taking a break to meet fans while filming "Gossip Girl" right near our HQ, on Prince Street; image via Splash]

[That's "Gossip Girls" Lehigh Mister and Blork Liverly filming outside the Met yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]