This actress was "necking" with another famous lady in public, and even got her number. This closet case's boyfriend dumped him after he wasn't allowed to go to a movie premiere and this couple has stayed together forever since they're both asexual. That's gotta be the world's most boring closet.

This actress thinks if she's kinky enough, her boyfriend won't be gay anymore. This former sitcom actress is writing a book outing her two lesbian costars and this singer has a girlfriend but one of her male bandmembers is her beard. Being in the closet is so much work.

Probable Yelp reviewer Zooey Deschanel has a devious plan to receive free publicity from this very website, according to commenter ManBearPig:

This foreign royal likes to indulge in the booger sugar when he's out at night clubs. This singer is giving fans herpes, this actor hates a movie he's in, and this actress is pissed she was offered the role of an older woman. Maybe a coke bender with a member of the monarchy will cheer her up.

Demi Moore was apparently drinking massive amounts of Red Bull (and forgoing food and drink) before the 911 emergency that led to her hospitalization. The Sun (which, to be fair, just make shit up sometimes) reports:

This leading lady was getting prescriptions filled from multiple on-set doctors. This actress slept with a casting director to get her big role (surprise, surprise) and this actress feels guilty that her movies objectify women. There's no pill to make that go away.

Before her reported whip-it induced hospitalization, a "pretty hyper" Demi Moore was also "taking Adderall and drinking energy drinks and starving herself," Radar claims. Whip-its, anorexia, Red Bull, Adderall. It's like she was pledging with a second-tier sorority at Florida State. [Radar, E!, image via Getty]

Nobody seemed to know that Demi Moore was a wild whip-it party monster until she was hospitalized for a rumored whip-it induced seizure this week. Now that we know, though, the tabloids are doing catch-up. Here's all the wild whip-it partying they forgot to tell us about until now:

This famous music man keeps a bevy of beautiful women on the payroll. They're not for his pleasure, they're to lure in new artists. This actress doesn't want to keep her baby and another actress' famous husband is cheating with the nanny. See the trouble that happens when there are babies around?

This kinky hip-hop star had quite the party in Sundance. Only this other celeb and a few women were invited and both men got to share. Speaking of sharing, this actress' new nanny is her partner's ex-lover. And baby makes four?

This actress made a splash at Sundance. It wasn't with an indie film, it was by sleeping with a much older director. Don't worry, she just turned 18. Also at Sundance, this actor hooked up with a much older actress. Do they hold this festival twice—in May and December?

TMZ reports that part of the reason the two are getting a divorce is due to Seal's "volcanic temper" and partially because their schedules could never sync-up. Don't bother Googling "angry seal" because otherwise, you'll get this Urban Dictionary definition: A sexual act where when a male is having sex with a female on the beach, pulls out, rubs his member in the sand, and then slides it back into her vagina.

This boy band member had a string of fake girlfriends so that no one would know he's gay. This actress is keeping her pregnancy a secret, and this actor is married to a woman but secretly gay. Is there nothing but closets in Hollywood?

This hip-hopper is going to revive the career of the singer he's been sleeping with on the sly. This celebrity divorce will go very smoothly because the husband knows some scandalous secrets about his soon-to-be-ex-wife's family. Now that's better than a pre-nup.

This troubled actress is partying and getting drunk once again. This celebrity couple swings and swaps spouses with this other famous pair. This actress plays beard for this actor's boytoys. The closet makes things so confusing.

This actor got in a bar fight, but no one knows it was with a gay pimp. This quarterback is cheating on his wife, and this hunky star doesn't like to have sex. At least it keeps him from being beaten up by gay pimps. They really know a thing or two about fists.

One of the perils of working at a gossip site in the age of internet tipsters is that you never know whether you are corresponding with a person who is about to unmask the next Craigslist Congressman—or a demented pervert who is masturbating while describing an imaginary encounter with a starlet.

This guy is a hit with the Academy but his neighbors hate his noisy helicopter. This actress was getting busy after the Golden Globes, another actress is causing trouble with three families, this TV hostess is in love with a gay politico, and this actor cheats on his wife with hookers. At least he's quiet about it.

Last week, we brought you some firsthand cries of rage, despair, and frustration from inside Bloomberg headquarters. The most paranoid headquarters in all of the New York media world? A strong contender, at least.

This cast had its share of partying and playing naked Twister on set. They even had a shy girl turned drama queen, an actor who slept with all his costars, a total druggie, and another guy who everyone hated. Sounds better than anything they ever put on screen.