• Kate Hudson is dying to have A-Rod's baby, reports In Touch: "(Hudson) just turned 30 and she's ready to have her second child," an "insider" tells the magazine. "She brought up the idea to Alex and told him that they would make a beautiful baby together, and that she would assume all financial responsibility." Sounds like a great deal, clearly. [MSNBC]
• Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are no longer trying to hide their relationship. To make the point crystal clear, Bradley placed a "reassuring hand on her behind" for paparazzi photographers in Barcelona. [DM]
• Michael Douglas' son, Cameron Douglas, was busted on drug charges a week ago. Now his girlfriend has been arrested, too. Kelly Sott was nabbed after she tried to smuggle heroin to him in an electric toothbrush. Whoops. [People]

Today is all about the ladies who love the ladies. First up, a cable show fosters a secret lesbian relationship, a starlet poses as bi, and a (straight, sorry) rock star takes his daughter-in-law on dates to appear hip.

The gossip world giveth jobs, and the gossip world taketh jobs away. Last week, Page Six hired Emily Smith to replace departed deputy editor Paula Froelich. Now, the column has let Bill Hoffman go. What happened?

Today in bottom-feeding: a closeted print journalist, a Hollywood couple with an open relationship, bisexual reality show starlets, a pop star declines a chance to join the Mile High Club, and a diva pisses off her family.

• The case of the mercury-tainted sushi lives on: Chris Kattan ran into Jeremy Piven backstage during a taping of Alexa Chung's MTV show last week and made a crack about Piven's short stint on Broadway; a very offended Piven responded by calling Kattan's entire career into question. [NYDN]
• Madonna's Brazilian-born boy toy, Jesus Luz, is more than just a model: He's now a DJ, too. [P6]
• Bethenny Frankel is no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow: "I'd rather staple my eyelids shut than watch Gwyneth cook." We're going to assume the feeling is mutual. [NYDN]
• In what amounted to a two-way publicity stunt, Kathy Griffin and Levi Johnston (better known as Bristol Palin's baby daddy) turned up to the Teen Choice Awards last night holding hands. [Us]

Perez Hilton got a fawning LA Times profile today. Instead of taking the opportunity to win fans back after recent publicity snafus, he used it as a platform to define his brand going forward: that of a professionally insufferable dick.

Today in too much information: A singer with an unsatisfactory man, a fashion critic with cheap ass gold paint on her walls, an actor in love with his sister-in-law, and some Paula Abdul thing.

• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore suffered a big scare when the plane they were on was forced to make an emergency landing in Las Vegas shortly after take-off. Fortunately, neither actor was injured and they could return to tweeting within minutes of the incident. [People]
• Leonardo DiCaprio appears to be moving on now that he's no longer with Bar Refaeli: He was seen with SI model Anne Vyalitsyna in Ibiza. [P6]
• Bethenny Frankel was seen in the bathroom of a restaurant with a pregnancy test, so it appears she's looking to reproduce. You've been warned. [P6]

We've learned that Page Six has hired Emily Smith, formerly of The Sun (UK) and Life & Style, as a replacement for recently-departed deputy editor Paula Froelich.

Today we have a 'controversial' actress whose 'partner' is leaving her, a singer dude who tried to make out with (crossdressing) straights, and an actor who wants to know if you like fucking a star, baby, tell me!

• The "designer dog house" that Paris Hilton had built recently—which is equipped with chandeliers and air-conditioning—cost her $325K, or considerably more than what most Americans spends on human homes. [Luxist]
• Rosie O'Donnell and her partner Kelli Carpenter-O'Donnell are not splitting up, you'll undoubtedly be relieved to hear. [People]
• Kristin Davis of Sex and the City fame has found herself caught up in a dispute over Middle Eastern politics. You didn't expect to hear that, did you? [P6]
• Did MSNBC's Keith Olbermann use some pull to snag his girlfriend a job working as a reporter for WNBC? It wouldn't be the first time! [P6]

Today in hypocritical moralistic scolding: A troubled celeb couple that's getting back together, a "wacky" celeb whose parties feature alcohol(!) and noodz, a secret drinker musician named S****n S*****s, and a pop star joins the Mile High Club.

Goldman Sachs has been accused in recent weeks of plotting to make a fortune from the collapse of the American economy and then plotting with Washington insiders to hand the banking industry a massive bailout. Are Goldman haters now plotting against the firm's CEO, Lloyd Blankfein, and his wife Laura? A day after it was reported the banking chief had instructed Goldman employees to play it cool comes this doozy about Laura Blankfein's alleged antics in the Hamptons last weekend:

• Madonna is taking her kids on the best summer vacation ever later this month: She's thinking about taking them to visit Auschwitz, so "they can learn about mistakes made in the past." If that doesn't pan out, she could always just invite Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie over for a visit and teach them the same lesson, couldn't she? [YNET]
• Paula Abdul announced over Twitter last night that she's leaving American Idol. True? Was she just drinking again? We'll find out soon enough. [NYDN]
• Hopeless romantic Kelly Bensimon made a move on Gerard Butler the other night, but the actor didn't reciprocate. Try your best to empathize. [NYDN]
• Great news: Ratings for Jon & Kate Plus 8 have tanked since the show came back from hiatus. Say a little prayer that this continues. [Us]
• Nominations for the MTV Video Music Awards were announced yesterday; Beyoncé and Lady Gaga came out on top, each earning nine nods. [THR]

Willingness to get very, very close to your subjects a plus, too. [Mediabistro]

Today in celebrity mishandlings of proffered fame: A star singer who can't afford a car, and a sad brother who will wait, forever, for that apocryphal fan to come along for an autograph. He's still waiting.

Today in celebrity character assassination: An actress who tried to score some free food with her blinding fame, and an "obnoxious celeb" with an obnoxious nickname.

• An Italian photographer is accusing Naomi Campbell of sending him to the hospital after she allegedly clobbered him with her handbag and scratched his eye with her nails. Naturally, this sort of behavior is totally unlike Campbell and couldn't possibly be true. [Daily Mail]
• Billy Joel is supposedly "completely distraught" over his breakup with Katie Lee Joel and is now trying to "rekindle the relationship." [P6]
• It looks like Mischa Barton is recovering nicely. She's "smiling again," according to the Sun. And Vanity Fair reports she made her "first appearance on the city’s social circuit" last night. [Sun, VF]

Today in human nature unleashed: A Catholic actress who sins on the weekend, a bulimic singer with a knife, and another actress who is not averse to doing coke off various parts of the human anatomy.

• The mother of Jude Law's baby has been revealed: She's some actress/model named Samantha Burke. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin is shopping around a new reality show since he has a couple hundred kids to support and could really use the cash. [P6]
• Joe Jackson is confirming that Michael had a "love child" who is now a Norwegian dancer named Omer Bhatti. Welcome to the family, young man. [NYDN]
• Kanye West is the "new King of Pop," he says: "First there was Elvis, then there was Michael. Now in the 21st century it's Kanye's time to rule." [NYDN]