We were hoping for an epic pratfall from Page Six mag's newest columnist Liam, 20-year-old stoner son of society photog Patrick McMullan—who replaced dimwitted model/publishing heiress Lydia Hearst after she quit in a backstage drama. Sadly (for us), young Liam's "Scenester Diaries" are slightly more coherent than Lydia's, despite his daily weed intake. He's even a little funn! ("If Obama had the audacity of hope, I don't see why I shouldn't.") Young Liam also managed to get in a classic dig at Alec Baldwin, which is always appreciated:

Arianna Huffington is guest-hosting Rachel Maddow's show on MSNBC tonight, and the lineup looks impressively ambitious: Google CEO Eric Schmidt, HBO talk-show host Bill Maher, stat-whiz Nate Silver and Cory Booker, the Newark mayor to whom the internet publisher was once rumored romantically linked (absurdly, her staff thought). The high-profile lefty gig is an appropriate laurel for an ambitious woman whose left-leaning site produced landmark coverage and gangbusters traffic amid the 2008 election. But as former Huffington Post staff can attest (and have), television appearances also mean a frenzy of last-minute research for editors like Roy Sekoff or Colin Sterling who prepare Huffington's talking points. With an entire, hourlong show to host, rather than a brief guest appearance, it would be reasonable for staff to fear another of the screaming, teary emotional breakdowns described to us by several former HuffPo staffers.

At some point last night, the Daily News fed the Web address above into its RSS feed. The XML file appears to have been subsequently cleansed, but Google Reader still has the original address, attached to the much tamer headline, "Side Dish: Juliette Lewis isn't into 'Gossip'." Clicking it is a dead end, of course, but we're now way more intrigued by what the tabloid's gossip section didn't say than by anything it could have possibly printed about Jared Kushner's girlfriend. Maybe it's a clever bit of reverse psychology, hyping tomorrow's Rush & Molloy. Anyone care to clue us in?

It's just a brief item, reporting that NBC chief Jeff Zucker was spotted with "old pal Katie Couric huddling over dinner at Elio's." But Page Six's sighting of the CBS Evening News anchor with her old Today boss will inevitably stoke further speculation about the possibility she might take over for Tim Russert at NBC's Meet The Press. The alleged dinner comes barely a week after the Times reported NBC executives were bandying Couric's name as a possible anchor for the Sunday-morning interview show. Gossip aside, let's move on to speculation: Wouldn't the gig just be an awful reprise of the CBS Evening News disaster?

You may recall that Tim Robbins "flipped out" at poll workers on election day, accusing them of abridging his "freedom to vote" by offering him a provisional ballot and then politely asking him to please leave the voting area since his name was not on their list. The actor had been voting at the polling place for 15 years, you see, and was used to being totally VIPed. The incident was clearly part of a conspiracy by New York City bureaucrats against rich white Hollywood liberals, so staff at the Times and at City Hall were immediately assigned to parallel investigations. The conclusion: Tim Robbins is confused and possibly senile. Reports the Times:

Kickass British-Sri Lankan performer and former refugee M.I.A. doesn't seem like a diva, but her tour rider—recently procured by the Smoking Gun—indicates otherwise. Her "2008 Hospitality Rider" demands a very specific assortment of cheeses, as well as various "ORGANIC" foodstuffs and those gold-foil-wrapped Ferrero Rocher chocolates. Things, we might add, you'd have trouble finding in the middle of a life-affirming war. But, hey, she's pregnant, so we'll chalk it up to weird cravings rather than stocking her backstage with the most yuppie selection of snacks ever.

We hear that Neel Shah—former Gawker intern-turned prolific (and recently laid-off) Radar writer and occasional magical berry salesman—is joining the staff of ever-grinding gossip machine Page Six next week. Thus marks the completion of Neel's whirlwind full circuit through all of the stages of the gossip-based media, leaving spinning social vortexes in his wake that scientists assure us will not create universe-eating black holes. Upon reaching P6 he will receive a banana, a bottle of water, a blanket, a winner's ribbon, and the last media paycheck in New York.

Births, Deaths, and Marriages is a column about what's happening to persons of interest in Gawker society. Send us your tips about breakups, hookups, knock-ups, and everything else that completes the circle of media-life. Today's roundup: hotelier Ian Schrager, Hugh Hefner and Kendra Wilkinson, late Obama campaigner Terence Tolbert, and a rare pygmy hippo baby:

The layoffs at Hearst this week have already hit Redbook and Good Housekeeping. So as not to be sexist, now they've come to Esquire. We hear the upscale men's mag laid off four editorial employees yesterday, including two editors, and decreed that another open assistant editor position won't be filled. "They gathered everyone together to tell them not to tell anyone the exact number cuz they don't want any media," says a tipster. That's somewhat embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as the spending habits of another layoff-happy mag, the recently decimated Conde Nast Portfolio: According to P6,

It just might be that celebrities really have changed their ways for our new, hopier President, because they damn sure aren't doing things that will cause them to show up in blind items in the gossip pages. Richard, my colleague who is the heavy favorite for the 2008 PEN Literary Award for Eloquence in Blind Items, will be back on Monday, and the real dirt will surely start back up again by then. For today, all we have is a middle-aged soap opera star banging his producer's daughter, and an extremely vague "actor" who is "rude." Might as well read them, it's Friday: 1) "Yes, I know some of you dislike the soap opera ones, but there are lots that do love them. Today lets go over to NBC. Which married male cast member who has been on the show for a very long time is sleeping with the daughter of the one of the producers? Not a really scandalous thing until you realize she is still in her teens and our cast member is certainly past middle age. At least she is in college now. It was much tougher to get together when she was in high school. I will say that it has always been legal though apparently. Did not start until she was 18." [CDaN] 2) "This actor is going to find out the hard way it doesn’t pay to be rude and disrespectful to your peers. He may be good looking, but his bad attitude and weird behavior is ruining his career." [Blind Gossip]

So, have you all signed up to feed the homeless, tutor a child, and read to the blind thanks to your lingering Obamamania? No. No you haven't. Instead you sit poised to judge the secret foibles of others, which, let's face it, is the right thing to do, because your clicks translate into solid American jobs in this shaky economy. The true patriots: you. Today in blind items, a celebrity chef who's cheating on his wife, a celebrity who hilariously misunderstands "democracy," and a paranoid singer secretly trailing her man: 1) "Within the past month or so I think I posted about a celebrity chef who was cheating on his wife. The celebrity chef is known to all of you. Would he be A list? Sure. Definitely. Anyway, the update is that I was unsure who he was cheating with. Turns out it is one of his restaurant employees. Not someone who works with him on television or with his books, but a restaurant employee. This could of course be the reason why he is spending so much time at that particular restaurant lately." [CDaN] 2) "Which celebrity showed up at a polling place on Election Day, saw the long line, and demanded that she be allowed to skip to the front? When special accommodations were not made for her, she stormed off in a huff, presumably to another polling place where people would acknowledge her superiority and personally escort her past the unwashed masses into a voting booth big enough to accommodate her inflated ego." [Blind Gossip] 3) "Which freaky singer is so worried her bloke will cheat on her that she's told her family to tail him..." [Mirror UK]

Did you expect that celebrities would all turn their attention to the election last night, and therefore the tabloids would refrain from printing scurrilous blind items on this day of historic import? You foolish, foolish bastard. Gossip does not "Change," nor does it "Hope." After the jump, an actor with a secret history of sexual assault, a fading socialite, a singer with dandruff, and a (possibly flack-concocted) item about the nicest actress in the whole wide world: 1) "WHICH aggressive TV, stage and movie actor has a shady past? Rumor is he sexually assaulted a girl while in high school and his family had the situation "swept under the rug" [P6] 2) "WHICH oft-photographed socialite/designer is losing her grip on the fashion world? Luxury brands no longer send her clothing and accessories and don't want her in their ad campaigns." [P6] 3) "Which popular male singer is hiding a hairy secret? His dandruff has got so bad, his flunkies are having to go out and buy him industrial strength supplies of special shampoo..." [Mirror UK] 4) "A list actress. Hell, she isn't just an actress, she is also a producer and a very successful one at that. About three months ago our actress was in downtown LA and was headed for dinner. She saw a family that was huddled about 50 feet from the restaurant. Obviously homeless, the dad had a sign while the mom watched their two children. Our actress could have just gone into her dinner, but, instead walked over to the family and started asking them about their life. It was during this that one of her dinner companions also showed up at the restaurant. Through no fault of their own this family was stuck. This actress could have walked away, but instead she canceled her dinner plans, got the family to a hotel and got them some food. Over the course of the next week she found them a place to live, hired the husband for her company, helped the mom get the kids in school and found a job for the mom as well." [CDaN]

Democrats must be particularly anxious today after eight years of Bush. Tim Robbins, actor-director, partner of Susan Sarandon, and a poster child of Hollywood liberalism, was edgier than normal as he waited to cast his vote this morning. Writes in a tipster, who sadly didn't have a cameraphone: "My friend is waiting to vote at the YMCA on 14th between 6th and 7th... Tim Robbins is making a scene, apparently yelling at some dude. And now the police were called and arrived about 10 minutes ago..." What was that all about?

Today is election day, and the patriots among you should all be standing in long, demoralizing lines at polling centers right now, rather than reading tawdry celebrity gossip. But we're here to serve you, much like the Republican party. Yesterday you guessed that the starlet who couldn't stand her fake boyfriend was Blake Lively, and the socialite's sister banging an OJ witness was maybe one of the Kardashians. Only Jesus knows for sure! Today, an action hero actor's secret man-date for Halloween, a celebrity couple in trouble, and Borat be banging beau coup broads: 1) "Our B list actor who used to be an A list action hero was at a party with someone everyone assumed to be his girlfriend. His girlfriend is somewhat, but not overly famous, but this person was wearing a Sue Storm from Fantastic Four mask so no one could tell. Throughout the night the pair spent more and more time groping and kissing in a corner and on a couch and less time mingling. It was during one of these makeout groping sessions later in the evening that the mask slipped off the woman and it was discovered our action star was with another guy." [CDaN] 2) "Which presenter has requested a lock on his dressing room door so that runners stop walking in on him having sexy time with a string of ladies..." [Mirror] 3) "They have been together for several years, and enjoy the prestige and perks that come from being part of a famous couple. The only problem is that they can’t stand each other. They essentially lead separate lives, but are photographed together at red carpet events to allay suspicions, and to allow each of them to continue to command top dollar for their respective projects. However, she doesn’t know that he is sleeping with one of her closest friends." [Blind Gossip]

Just because we're in the midst of the Great Magazine Die-Off and print media in general is having its worst month in the past 20 years is no reason to force editors into less-than-grand offices! We hear that Kent Brownridge, the new general manager of OK! magazine, is "having a wall removed" and combining two offices into a one big, bad, office for Kent Brownridge, at an estimated cost of $50K. "The old man is still obsessed with his old boss Jann Wenner and is insisting that his office at OK be bigger than Jann's office at Us Weekly," says our source. That, despite the fact that OK! is suffering like every other celebrity magazine. Regardless, the last thing anyone in the media wants to see is Kent Brownridge in a moderately-sized office. Carry on. [Feel free to email us, Kent!]

Good morning! WHICH gossip blog editor who usually writes the blind items post went on vacation, and may or may not still be passed out from last night's unknown debaucheries? (IT'S RICHARD). Nevertheless, we're not going to let you, the public, go a single day without semi-slanderous thinly veiled celebrity gossip items to project your own insecurities upon. After the jump, a coke-sniffing wife of an athlete, a socialite's sister with two degrees of sexual separation from OJ Simpson, and a starlet who hates her "faux boyfriend." 1) Which sexy starlet keeps blabbing that she can’t stand her faux boyfriend? The producers of her hit show hooked the young couple up as a publicity stunt, but she says that every time she has to smooch him in front of the paparazzi, it’s like “Frenching a lizard.” [NYDN] 2) "WHICH sister of a much-photographed socialite should be more discreet? She was at Dorrian's Red Hand the other night, making out until closing time with O.J. Simpson murder trial witness Keith Zlomsowitch, who had a sexual encounter with Nicole Brown Simpson . . . " [P6 ] 3) "WHICH former TV star gets Botox injections when she goes in for hair and makeup? The Hollywood mom avidly avoids the paparazzi, but is very friendly to photographers on the red carpet - after being fully prepped of course." [P6] 4) "Which [wife or girlfriend of a prominent European athlete] is battling to keep a lid on her drug habit? She is regularly powdering her nose in the toilets and prattling on, making absolutely no sense at all." [ Blind Gossip]]

Paris Hilton gave an interview to British tabloid News Of The World which, for some reason, included a picture of her with the ill-kempt reporter. Apparently that's how things work on Fleet Street. Hilton, in any case, made clear that she's ready to move beyond the grasping, body-flashing, blatant-paparazzi-baiting phase of her career to a place where she can act all dignified and above it all, telling the tabloid that her rich, famous ex-boyfriends were only using her for riches and fame:

The troubled New York Times Company is running out of options. It owes more than $1 billion, close to half of it coming due in the next two years. But it just ruled out layoffs for the foreseeable future and will probably try to avoid cutting the $132 million annual dividend, since doing so could spark a boardroom revolt by high-living Sulzberger family members. So it would make sense if the company has been trying to sell About.com, as Jason Calacanis, CEO of search engine company Mahalo, said on the This Week In Tech podcast last week. (Audio of his remarks lies after the jump.)

Important item: Has billionaire Lazard chairman Bruce Wasserstein, the owner of New York magazine, had some plastic surgery? Cityfile thinks so, after examining a current photo vs. one from two years ago. Then again, two years ago Wasserstein was rumored to be seriously ill. So maybe he just got over that? And is it really worth spending all that money to get plastic surgery when you're already 60 and married and not prowling the clubs for hot young things? I guess if you're a billionaire, you can do what you like, thank you. Click to enlarge the pic. [via Cityfile]

Lydia's Halloween costume is what's killing print. The publishing heiress and model referenced her recent little scandal of quitting her "column" in Page Six magazine by dressing up as the tabloid for a party last night. Cute, Lydia—but Britney Spears wore this exact same costume years and years ago:Update: "I am Lydia's PR. don't you get it? She is being Britany !!!! that was her costume? can't you tell that they are wearing the same outfit? Duh Gawker!!!!" (When we finally get the juice to hire a PRgay, we're gonna go with one who uses periods and questions marks properly?)