If you study this list of the 22 best coffee shops in NYC very closely—mapping out which neighborhoods have the highest concentrations of quality espresso, determining which brewing and roasting trends are on the rise—you will have wasted quite a bit of time.

Do you like your weed to have a little class? Do you prefer a nice sit-down restaurant to the Taco Bell drive-through when the munchies hit? Then do we have the place for you.

If the average American had his way, every item that he encountered on a day-to-day basis—cars, household appliances, furniture, children—would be breaded, fried, and then cut into "chip" size for purposes of snacking convenience. Also, all of the aforementioned things would be made of chicken. The great folks in the fast food industry are doing everything in their power to make this "American Dream" come true.

Ann Patchett used to be a writer for Gourmet with a bottomless expense account. You never will be, because Gourmet is dead, killed partly by bottomless expense accounts. But Ann can give you a glimpse of Conde Nast's glory days.

Conde Nast folded Gourmet magazine last fall; it was brought back in the form of a paltry digital app. Now, the brand's actually coming back in print, "in the form of three newsstand-only editions," including a cookbook. Baby steps. [Folio]

In your tender Tuesday media column: Gourmet "returns," Mr. Magazine turns 25, editors bitch and moan about their slave wages and awful jobs, and ABC News knows what you're thinking, and it's not true.

Yesterday, Lori Mason won plaudits from kinky sex freaks far and wide for allowing her chef husband to make cheese from her breast milk. Alas! Now comes a food critic to dispel your dreams of tasty human bosom curd.

Lori Mason, whose chef husband is currently serving cheese made of her breast milk, has declined requests from strangers to sample her milk, saying "I'm not here to walk people through their psychological problems." Guess what the NEXT SENTENCE is?

Kevin Demaria's posted a whole mess of sad, beautiful photographs of the final days in the office of Gourmet magazine. Junk food abounded. Go see them all. [Last Days of Gourmet]

Former Gourmet editor Ruth Reichl does not read this blog or Craigslist, which is causing her all sorts of trouble, in the media.

Christopher Kimball would like you to subscribe to his magazine and website, and has been trolling various media for attention. The Cook's Illustrated publisher's latest ploy: A cookoff between him and Wikipedia. Talk about a ridiculous match up.

This Sunday, some of the world's most famous chefs are getting together in Manhattan and "honoring the editors,writers and staff of the legendary culinary publication Gourmet Magazine." The only thing missing: Gourmet staffers. Um...you know any?

The finale of Fox's Hell's Kitchen was last night. We won't tell you who won the competition, but "Most Awkward" prize goes to now-dead Gourmet magazine, which was prominently featured in the show! Click to watch the painful highlight clip.

In your papery Monday media column: the ferocious war of words for newspaper supremacy, another theory about Gourmet's death, the sensible end of newspaper endorsements, and a cool new newspaper hero!

In your finally Friday media column: a sunny theory about Conde Nast, Katie Couric's words of wisdom, George Will learns exactly where to go, and the AP's crazy scheme, for money.

The death of Gourmet has prompted plenty of maudlin remembrances. And plenty of suggestions as to why we should mourn it: the food, Ruth Reichl, the jobs, the beauty. One theory to ignore: the internet is ruining smart magazines!

Yesterday, Gourmet was one of four mags the wounded publishing giant closed for good. Today it is just an empty shell full of boxes and crushed dreams.

The results of the Conde Nast Magazine Death Pool are in, stunningly early: the company announced this morning that it's folding Gourmet, Cookie, and two bridal magazines, Elegant Bride and Modern Bride.

The consultants haven't even arrived yet and the Conde Nasties are already being forced to sacrifice. According to this note posted in the common area of the Gourmet offices, the Nasties are now being forced to wash their own dishes!

Did you know Arianna Huffington's godson is so afraid of Gawker, he can't say its name aloud on Twitter? Or that Ruth Reichl can be bought? The things one learns from the media's Twitter addicts: