Since we happened across a nice-sized sample of Roger Ailes' handwriting on this 15-page Nixon-era blueprint for what would eventually become Fox News Channel, we thought we'd engage the services of a handwriting analyst to see if his signature offered a view into his black, black heart.

Last week, we learned from a bunch of facial readers that Bernie Madoff's shady tendencies should have been as obvious as night and day. (Or as obvious as a "thin lips" and "deep-set eyes," anyway.) Now it's the graphologists who are weighing in! And funnily enough, they, too, say the writing was on the wall. (Or pad of paper, at least.) Says Bart Baggett, a "personality profiler and forensic document examiner" who lives in California: "I would say he was seriously abused as a child because he has such trauma. The leftward leaning, backward strokes are an emotional withdrawn tendency, a lack of emotional connection with humans." In other words, not only were Sylvia and Ralph Madoff really shady, they were also bad parents. Could we now get them to focus their attention on Tim Geithner? Would be great to get a little advance notice this time!