More than 81 people fell ill with the Guinea Pig's Revenge after eating salmonella-tainted 'pig meat at a Minneapolis Ecuadorian street fair.

In a major victory for depressed guinea pig owners everywhere, Kendra Velzen won a $40,000 settlement from Grand Valley State University after the college restricted the 28-year-old student from carrying her pet guinea pig around the school's campus. Velzen, who suffers from depression and uses a pacemaker, was permitted to keep the rodent in her pet-free dorm because, as her lawyer put it, the guinea pig (named Blanca, by the way) "provide[d] her with emotional support and attachment (reducing symptoms of depression), and physiological and psychological benefits." But the school drew the line at allowing the animal into dining halls and class. So Velzen sued, claiming the school violated their agreement with her.

The Dutch TV show hosts who made international headlines in 2011 after they allegedly consumed each other's flesh are back in the news for something a bit more family-friendly, but not by much.

Police in England conducted a raid on a garage suspected of containing heating systems for growing marijuana. Alas! It was just a heater for two cold guinea pigs. Poor cops! I would be disappointed, too, but probably for different reasons.