We live in scary times: sharia law, foreigners, and rape gangs haunt the streets of this once great nation. Some old people believe that they must arm themselves in order to find peace and safety.

Kimani Gray, the 16-year-old who was killed by NYPD officers in 2013 after allegedly pointing a gun at them, is back in the news. It’s worth remembering, when considering Gray’s case, that cops in the precinct where he died have a history of allegedly fudging with gun evidence.

While many media outlets cower in their luxury office towers, too scared to stand up for the Bill of Rights that built this great nation, we are unafraid to boldly proclaim: yes, unpredictable partisan crazies should carry deadly weapons on the floor of the Republican National Convention.

New York City Transit officials are planning to release inert gas and DNA particles into the subway system in order to study the effects of a terrorist bio-attack, the New York Post reports. This is a waste of time, because terrorists are much more likely to just kill us with guns.

This year’s annual “South By Southwest” conference of upper-middle tier social media managers and brand ambassadors will be interesting for two reasons: Barack Obama will be there to get out of going to Nancy Reagan’s funeral, and there will simultaneously be a lot of men with handguns.

As after most mass shootings in this country, the murder spree conducted by Jason Dalton in Kalamazoo, Mich. isn’t going to turn our attention to the gun lobby. Instead, this time, we have a villain that is far flashier and still maybe vulnerable: Uber.

Beginning Aug. 1, Texans who legally own guns (so, all of them) will be able to carry their concealed weapons on the campuses of the state’s public universities. Some faculty at the University of Houston appear concerned over what the new law might mean for their safety, so the school recently presented the following Powerpoint slide that suggests ways in which teachers may reduce their chances of being murdered by their students.

In an ideal version of our deeply shitty country, every mass shooting would be a referendum on guns. If that were the case, the murder spree conducted this past weekend by a man in Kalamazoo, Mich. would perhaps be the ultimate litmus test for what this country can stomach when it comes to guns.

While the primary votes rolled in and presidential candidate and gun advocate Donald Trump soared to victory, an active shooter was reported at a mall in Harbison, South Carolina.

Earlier today, after a campaign stop at the FN America manufacturing plant in Columbia, South Carolina, Jeb Bush tweeted a photograph (caption: “America.”) of a .45-caliber handgun engraved with his name. As it happens, FN America is a subsidiary of the Belgian company FN Herstal, which, the Washington Post points out, was requisitioned by the Nazis in its previous incarnation as Fabrique Nationale d’Armes de Guerre.

Gia Arnold, who ran for a New York State Senate seat with Tea Party support in 2014, was arrested on weapons charges in Niagara Falls last night. In her car were an assault rifle, a handgun, a combat knife, and a ski mask. To be fair to Arnold, it was pretty cold out—the mask could have just been for warmth.

Of all the destruction waged by Dick Cheney during his eight-year run of terror in the White House, one incident stands out as the oddest: On February 11, 2006, Cheney shot a hunting partner in the face, nearly killing him. The incident is as fondly remembered as anything could be with Cheney, perhaps because it’s the only one of his un-prosecuted crimes that qualifies as slapstick. But there were several misconceptions about the man on the other side of Cheney’s shotgun, including that he was friends with the vice president, that he only suffered superficial wounds, and that it was merely an unavoidable accent.

Facebook, once a safe haven for gun profiteers and those who wanted to, for some undisclosed reason, anonymously obtain a semi-automatic weapon that can take a life with the push of a button, is clamping down. The social media site announced this week that it will no longer allow private gun sales on its site or on that of Instagram, which it owns.

Well, boy, hoo... this is embarrassing, but the Orange County Sheriff’s Department just lost an AR-15 rifle. Have you seen it? It looks just like the one up there. Uh, if you find it, could you give it back? Listen, I know this looks bad, but do me a solid here. They put it on top of their car and then drove off. I guess it fell. Anyone?

A school shooting in the western Canadian province of Saskatchewan on Friday left four dead and others wounded, according to the the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

During an evening showing of 13 hours yesterday, a theater full of Benghazi enthusiasts in Renton, Washington bore witness to a different sort of disaster when an allegedly drunk 29-year-old dropped his gun, accidentally shooting one of his fellow theater-goers in the chest. As of this morning, the 40-year-old woman was listed as being in “serious condition.”

Back in 1995, Chris Christie loved New Jersey’s assault weapons ban so much he called anyone who’d attempt to repeal it “crazy” and “dangerous.” Now, along with everyone else in the Republican field, he is extremely mad about Obama’s relatively modest executive action on guns. What happened?

No one should be driving around Manhattan with four loaded handguns in their car. So it was a good thing when NYPD officers stopped Daniel Figueroa in Harlem Sunday and arrested him for carrying three heaters on his person and another elsewhere in the vehicle, right? Well, it’s complicated.

It’s unclear to what extent anti-government gunmen, currently occupying a federal building in Oregon are willing to go to make their very dumb point. But for now, one of the patriots is taking shelter underneath this blue tarp.