Like most religious people, Americans are breathtakingly ignorant. We already knew we were ignorant about science and other factual matters, of course—but it turns out we're equally ignorant about religion! Except for the atheists.

After a few days' of flusterment, conservatives have finally settled on a suitable justification for the teabuggers — they're just crazy kids, horsing around, and we shouldn't take their antics seriously.

Ben Konop's a jaunty young fella running for mayor of Toledo. He went to tape some photo-op and was relentlessly heckled to distraction by some dude just sitting on a porch, saying "boo" for no apparent reason, as you'll see in the video clip above, which is well worth watching. According to ABClocal:

NBC's Matt Lauer, CNN's Larry King and ABC's Cynthia McFadden have all been dispatched to the Neverland Ranch to anchor programs tomorrow from the Michael Jackson corpse-viewing that Jackson's family says was never scheduled in the first place. [TV Newser]

Why do Scientologists hate psychiatry so much? Who cares, it just makes them look amusingly craz(ier). In this clip from a cheapo Scientology TV show, a real Scientology doctor proves that psychiatry caused 9/11!:

Before you get upset, let me clarify. I mean ugly people. People who like to imagine that the (unending!!!!!) struggle between members of the opposite sex (the gay people are just cute little helpers in this movie's world, like forks and spoons from Beauty and the Beast) is quantifiable and universal. Here's a hint: it's not! And even the doggishly handsome Justin Long can't boil the whole gurgling circus down to a safe little o.b. size. So why are you spending money on the stupid movie, an act which tangentially involves giving Greg Behrendt money. You don't want to do that.

What would you do if an old man broke into your house in the middle of the night and tried to pleasure your children? We would leave him milk and cookies. No, silly! We're not talking about creepy Mr. Pryzborowski down the street. We're talking about Santy Claus! Who, actually, can be pretty creepy himself. What with the beard and chortling and likely booze-stink. In fact, just in time for the holidays, Flabbergastedly has a little gallery of photos of children being terrified by Father Christmas (culled, it seems, from this bigger list) that we find delightfully funny. Look at a couple of our favorites after the jump.

Earlier today, following the news that Vogue editrix Anna Wintour has a little crush on actor Gerard Butler, Radar compiled a list of some of Anna's known paramours. It's a strange mix of gents. B-baller LeBron James, country club hero Roger Federer, Monty Python's Eric Idle, Condé Nast chairman Si Newhouse (oohhh..), and, um, Bob Marley. Yes! Bob Marley. Heh heh. Well, because it's such a varied group of dudes, we got to wondering... who exactly would be Anna Wintour's perfect man? We tapped our Photoshop whiz Steve Dressler and employed some of our own inductive reasoning and have come up with a fellow called Archie Bronson, a writer and public speaker. Read a little about Archie and see a photo after the jump.

Oh dear, it seems that the corporate leadership of a media agency has royally fucked up. Carat decided it had to lay off some workers. So the honchos carefully prepared secret internal talking points and strategy memos laying out exactly how they would break the news to the staff and clients, and deal with the media fallout. Then they accidentally emailed all that shit to their entire agency. Ha. Ha. Ha. The highlights are just so delicious: Lesson 1: Layoffs provide innovation, somehow. Message to clients:

"News Corporation, the global media conglomerate controlled by Rupert Murdoch, is withdrawing its bid to purchase Newsday. The withdrawal of the bid was first reported on the Web site of The Wall Street Journal, which is owned by the News Corporation.The bid withdrawal appears to be a reversal from Wednesday, when in the News Corporation's earnings conference call Mr. Murdoch voiced skepticism that Cablevision could succeed in its bid for Newsday, even as he vowed not to get into a bidding war for the newspaper, which was at the center of a tussle among three New York moguls."

GoldenFiddle is excited and scandalized, just like you all should be. That's Nate and Serena! OMFG is right. Click through for larger (fake, right?) poster.