Hold onto your butts, T-Mobile customers: 15 million of you just had your records gobbled up in a hack of credit giant Experian.

A new report from the Associated Press suggests Russian hackers deliberately attempted to infiltrate Hillary Clinton’s private email server, realizing the worst fears that critics of the server have held for months. But the story presents no evidence that any human being, Russian or otherwise, ever deliberately and knowingly attempted to hack into Clinton’s account. She just got spam, like all of us do.

After the Ashley Madison hack spooked moralizing hypocrites and millions of would-be adulterers, the Associated Press conducted an investigation into the data that turned up “workers at more than two dozen Obama administration agencies” who had been using the cheating site from their government desks. The AP tracked down the offending bureaucrats by tracing the Internet Protocol Addresses—a unique number assigned to every internet-connected device, called an IP address for short—associated with the hacked accounts to government computers.

A gigantic online list of people who’ve cheated (or tried to cheat) on their wives is an internet worst case scenario. If you’re one of those people, you’re probably wondering, How fucked am I? Here’s a guided tour of what hackers just made public.

On Sunday night, New York Magazine published the accounts of 35 women who say Bill Cosby raped them. It’s a powerful, first-hand narrative coupled with striking portraits of the victims but you can’t read it, because a racist hacker who apparently hates New York City took the magazine’s website offline.

Hacking Team, the recently hacked Milan-based outfit that peddled surveillance software to violent, oppressive governments around the world like Bahrain and the United States, naturally has a lot of critics. Their newly exposed emails reveal some very creepy conversations about one critic in particular.

ABC News reports that at least 25 million people were affected by the recent Office of Personnel Management hack—more than six times the number originally reported by authorities.

The devious, brazen Finnish hacker who ruined Christmas ‘14 just got the book thrown at him in his homeland’s court: today 17-year-old Julius Kivimaki was handed a two-year suspended sentence.

A Milan-based company called Hacking Team does exactly what their name implies: peddles malware and infectious spying software to oppressive governments around the world. And hackers have just leaked over 400 GB of data showing that the U.S. is among these slimy customers.

Ever since ur-blogger Andrew Sullivan retired from blogging in February, his fans and admirers (“SullyHeads,” as they’re not known) have wondered, “what’s Andrew Sullivan up to, right now?” and “what does Andrew Sullivan think about what is happening in the news lately?” Proving his doubters wrong, Sullivan has remained quiet since his last post in February. But earlier today there was a sign of life at his longtime blog, The Dish: A single post — a gif of a tumbleweed rolling along a dirt path — went live.

Just one day after a report that a Chinese-affiliated online attack had seized sensitive information about literally every federal employee from the Office of Personnel Management, another bomb drops: these same hackers also grabbed classified security clearance applications, filled with deeply private data.

A breach of U.S. government computers—presumably launched by China—is looking immensely worse than first expected. The AP reports that a federal employee’s union now says literally every single government worker is the victim of an enormous personal information heist.

The beauty of building up a wealth of confidential data you really don’t want anyone accessing is that it’s all in one place when, say, Chinese hackers decide they want to look at it. Such is the case with today’s “massive” federal data breach, the AP reports.

Adult Friend Finder, the no-strings sex solicitation service that’s familiar to anyone who’s ever visited a porn site, was apparently just the victim of an enormous data breach, exposing millions of people who clicked banner ads hoping to get laid.

A prominent computer security expert was barred from boarding one United flight, removed from another, and detained by the FBI—all apparently over a tweet pointing out how easy United’s security system would be to hack.

Another devious, young techno-wiz was placed safely behind bars this past Wednesday after authorities say he deftly "hacked into his school's secure computer network" by guessing the password (his teacher's last name). The crime? Changing the desktop background to two dudes kissin'. The punishment? Arrest on felony charges.

Like middle school children stuffed into their own lockers, the Tewksbury, Mass., police department resorted to paying off hackers who locked them out of their own computer files.

Chipotle Mexican Grill's Twitter account was hacked last night. The hackers changed the avatar to a Nazi swastika and sent a number of racist and otherwise offensive tweets.

In the continued fallout of the Sony hack, a new report by the the New York Times—citing U.S. intelligence officials and documents previously leaked by Edward Snowden—puts the NSA inside North Korea's computer system as early as 2010. This previous hack, officials say, is how the United States apparently determined North Korea was responsible for the cyberattack on Sony.

The online attack against Sony Pictures might slowly be cooling off, but The Intercept reports that feds are still urging vigilance: in particular, one news organization might be the hackers' next target.