Happy New Year! I bet you feel like shit.

In need of a hangover cure? Try greasy breakfast food, wheatgrass, Pedialyte, exercise, Alka-Seltzer, Netflix, sleeping all day, crying in the shower, or Sprite. And next year, try a little self control.

Excessive drinking costs the American economy more than $220 billion a year, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, which is enough to really make you need a drink.

Neti pots! Sun benefits! Gay marriage! Nuclear death! Celery danger! Heart eyes! Obesity moms! Supplement peril! And holiday hangover cures, right on time! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—every last inch of it!

Playboy's published its entire correspondence with the late journalist Hunter S. Thompson, and while most of it's not quite as fascinatingly deranged as the various letters (and other documents) from Thompson that have surfaced over the years, the cache does contain this amazing hangover cure, undated and scrawled on the stationery of the Beverly Hills Hotel:

Finally, a reason for science to exist: A researcher in Philadelphia (of course!) has discovered the single most effective cure for a hangover. And it's really pretty simple.

Daniel Dighton is on trial for killing his parents for calling him lazy when he was hungover. He stabbed his father four times and his mother 20 times. So he's not that lazy. But he did have a killer hangover.

Look, in the sky! The clouds are parting and a heavenly ray of sunshine is screaming down towards Earth. It is the holy light of the Housewives, our most pious and delicate and wonderful and, occasionally, homeless creatures.

Perez Hilton made out with John Mayer. Perez Hilton made out with John Mayer. Perez Hilton... Kmart definitely Kmart... Johh Mayer - Oh hi there! Didn't see you. I was just bumbling down a shame spiral, still reeling from this hideous (maybe a stunt?) news. It's been a tough morning already, so let's take a little breather. You all love videos of crazy jam-out drummers, right? And I know you love aspiring Broadway diva Craig Stevens, our possibly-pretend geigh friend from the northern wilds of Inwood who started video blogging his New York adventures three short weeks ago. Though, I almost think that girlfriend Janine ("I ate a lot of Subway!") may be the real star here. She's funny and pleasant and, as far as I know, didn't make out with Perez fucking Hilton. Soothing videos after the jump.

Someone sent us this picture of what they describe as a "wild bird" outside the Conde Nast building this morning, which is apparently freaking people out as much or more than the homeless woman who was peeing in the lobby of 4 Times Square on Friday. The bird will be served in the cafeteria around noon. Anna Wintour's gonna put a napkin over her head and eat it ortolan-style. And now, the news.