Happy New Year! I bet you feel like shit.

New Year's resolutions are pretty much wish lists for lazy people. This might be why I love making them. The promise of a new beginning that will completely right all the wrongs of the previous year? Yes, please! Pass the pen and paper. Who's to say this isn't the year where I'll finally lose that weight, run that marathon, and get those finances under control?

In need of a hangover cure? Try greasy breakfast food, wheatgrass, Pedialyte, exercise, Alka-Seltzer, Netflix, sleeping all day, crying in the shower, or Sprite. And next year, try a little self control.

We've had it with 2008. Let the change in calendar bring a new year with all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, and all boredom amused. We're taking tomorrow off. See you on Friday.