Michael Douglas says his doctors discovered a cancerous tumor in his throat. He'll undergo two months of chemotherapy and radiation, but says he's "very optimistic" he'll make a full recovery. Does this mean we have to like Wall Street 2?

Popular paranoid congresswoman Michele Bachmann, founder of the House Tea Party Caucus, must've caught her somethin' terrible last week, for she was hospitalized Friday! What liberal virus crept into her? No one knows, but hey, she's recovering nicely.

Barbara Walters announced on The View that she's taking time off to have a heart valve replaced. The 80-year-old TV journalist says she's confident the surgery will go well and says she's looking forward to a "vacation."