Many things, it seems, went wrong with The Brothers Grimm, one of 2005's more resounding box office bombs. Big-budget movie production is a delicate, interconnected affair, so who's to say that an error in producer Harvey Weinstein's fuckability calculus, which led to casting little-known actress Lena Headley instead of an Oscar-nominated treasure, didn't contribute to its failure? From The Scoop:
With Brokeback Mountain's premiere just around the corner, its producers are delighted that co-stars Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams fell in love on the set, providing a welcome counterpoint to all the "gay cowboy movie" talk. To thank his leading man, producer James Schamus kick-starts Ledger's public re-heteroization:
The countdown has begun to Brokeback Mountain, the movie that will test the outer man-on-man tolerance limits of even the most admiring of Ang Lee's straight, male cineaste fanbase. Much is made in the current Newsweek of the, for lack of a better term, balls-out content of the Jake Gyllenhaal-Heath Ledger gay cowboy love story, and how that will play in Gay Pride Parade-free Peoria. But nothing would divert the filmmakers from the message this story set out to tell, not even in its marketing:
• Paris Hilton finally has a bad week: Boyfriend Starvos Niarchos plows her Bentley into a truck, prompting the LAPD to acknowledge the fact that everyone drives drunk out there; she's been subpoenaed as a witness in the criminal case against Girls Gone Wild guru Joe Francis's kidnapper; and she's being clearly eviscerated in former BFF Nicole Richie's new novel (more on that comedy later). But don't feel sorry for Paris — we're certain she'll find a way to turn a profit off of all the mess. [R&M]
• And while she suffers, Paris copes by prank-calling Nicole Richie every night. [Scoop]
• Actor Heath Ledger reportedly forked over $3.5 million for the Boerum Hill brownstone he shares with his fiancée Michelle Williams and their newborn baby Matilda. Neighbors claim the couple has been "rude" and don't acknowledge anyone, but did those neighbors ever think to bring Heath and Michelle some Welcome Casserole? [Page Six]
• Lawyers for His Absurdness Donald Trump have demanded a full recall of Timothy O'Brien's expos TrumpNation, as well as a public correction and apology. Demands are precious, but ineffective. Let's see some blood, instead. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Maureen Dowd hasn't had Botox; she just stays wrinkle-free by refusing to allow facial movements. [Page Six]
· Will Kevin Federline finally dance out of the background and onto the hip-hop charts? Nah, y'all ain't ready!
· This Page Six report that Paris Hilton's latest Greek shipping heir love interest, Stavros Niarchos, offered a homeless guy $100 to dump a soda on himself doesn't sound too nice. But when you realize that Niarchos first offered the homeless man ten times that amount if he and his pals could hunt the panhandler for sport, it puts the whole situation in perspective.
· Towleroad gets an early look at Jarhead, in which Jake Gyllenhaal tries to do for a Santa hat what he's already done for a pair of chaps in Brokeback Mountain.
· In other onscreen gay cowboy news, Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have birthed a Matilda.
After two years of pregnancy, actress Michelle Williams has finally spit out actor Heath Ledger's baby girl, named Matilda (not a great name, but better than Inspektor Hazel and cute enough, we suppose, in an ugly hipster baby sort of way). The baby was born in Brooklyn, but the couple is otherwise incredibly private, so that's about all we've got for you on the matter. But? You can finally — finally! — stop spotting the previously ginormous version of Ms. Williams waddling around Brooklyn. And that, dear friends, is the miracle of life.
For roughly the ten-thousandth time in the last three months, dreamy-eyed Brokeback Mountain star Jake Gyllenhaal answers a question about what it was like to undergo the harrowing ordeal of an ostensibly straight actor pretending to give Heath Ledger a handjob. Gyllenhaal says his upbringing gave him the strength to spit in his palm and get down to his on-screen manual labor:
· Variety proclaims that actors, not directors, are creating all the buzz at the Telluride film festival, with Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Catherine Keener in Capote, Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Line, and Heath Ledger and a pair of sexy chaps in gay cowboy flick Brokeback Mountain among the standouts. [Variety]
· THR's Hollywood and Katrina round-up: Jerry Lewis raises a million dollars for hurricane victims, the major networks get ready to unite Friday for another relief concert, and MTV goes it alone. [THR,THR]
· Marvel Entertainment will independently finance and produce big-screen vehicles for the leftover comic book characters in their stable, announcing plans to adapt ten of their titles. That's right, True Believers, you might finally get those Ant Man and Power Pack movies you've been clamoring for! [Variety]
· Deciding that a tentative plan to execute losers on the Emmy telecast wasn't cruel enough, the show will feature an "Emmy Idol" competition in which actors like Kristen Bell and William Shatner sing TV themes and are subjected to a public vote on their off-key warblings. [THR]
Big news from the world of ambivalent celebrities: Actors Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams — often spotted out and about in Brooklyn being alternately "cute" or "greasy" — are reportedly engaged. At the LA premiere of The Brothers Grimm, the two made their first official appearance since Williams had grown visibly with-spawn; Williams was also seen sporting a large diamond ring on her engagement finger. (Does this mean we'll stop hearing about Ledger cavorting about town with cute women who aren't Michelle? Oh, we hope so.)
· Leona Helmsley fires her flak, Howard Rubenstein. [Page Six]
· London's Daily Mail reports that Jude Law and Sadie Frost are expected to split any day now. [Page Six]
· Ben Elliot launches his new concierge service, Quintessentially, tomorrow night at Sotheby's. [Page Six]
· Heath Ledger and Naomi Watts are splitting. (Am I the only one that looked at that headline and thought, "Who the hell is 'Heath Naomis?'" [Page Six]
· Director Danny Boyle is having trouble shooting the sequel to Trainspotting because the actorsEwan McGregor, Robert Carlyle and Jonny Lee Millerlook too healthy. "I need them to look like they've burned themselves out, but they've all been using face cream and Vitamin E lotion." [Cindy Adams]
· Time's bi-annual fashion mag, Time Style & Design launches on the 10th at Gotham Hall. [Liz Smith]
· Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones appeared in court yesterday to seek redress for the Hello! photos that showed (among other things) Zeta-Jones stuffing her face with cake and waving a knife around. Senator John Kerry finds out that his grandparents were Jewish. [NY Daily News]
· Christopher Hitchens, gossip columnist: The Hitch says he thinks Bill Clinton was a CIA plant during their days at Oxford. He adds that they had a girlfriend in common"who's since become a very famous radical lesbian." AlsoJoe Lieberman's press secretary Jano Cabrera on John Kerry's revelation that he's Jewish: "Oy vey. All this talk about who is Jewish and who isn't is absolutely meshuga. That said, there's only one candidate in this race with a real lox box." [Reliable Source]
Time was appearing on the front of Vanity Fair was supposed to make an actor hot beyond all possibility of disappointment. But Heather Ledger's VF credit, established in an extraordinarily moist cover article a couple of years ago, has drained away. First, the dismal Four Feathers and, now, apparently, a back-to-back stinker, Ned Kelly. A Popbitch informant writes:
