· Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno exploits took him from Israel to Arkansas; his Sherlock Holmes adventures to come may or may not include the missus.
· AFTRA ratified its new contract, but SAG didn't let that spoil its appetite for destruction.
· Harvey Weinstein is now officially going door-to-door to finance his films. Psst! Buddy! Wanna buy a Tarantino?
· The TV Critics Association Press Tour is dead. Long live the TCA Press Tour!
· Lest major Dark Knight spoilers aren't up your alley, there's always Michael Bay's unproduced Awesome Knight screenplay to hold you over another week.
· After a long string of compatibility issues, Drew Barrymore is on the market for a Mac huckster upgrade.
· This Week In Magazine Cover Hell: Blake Lively gets the blown-out Skeletor treatment, while the pasty youths of Twilight make EW safe for chest hair.
· Here's the story of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely RRRAAALLLLPPPHHHHH
· Defamer's readers joined Matthew McConaughey in welcoming a bouncing Bongo Romcom to the world.
· Meanwhile in France, stinky, salmon-devouring, "high-maintenance beetch" Angelina Jolie prepared her post-twinbirth conditioning regimen. Two words: Hula hoop.
· Pick your reality TV poison for 2009: America's Greatest Dog or The Ashley Dupre Governor Boink Variety Hour.
· We wished a healthy recovery (literally) to the rat-friendly Newsroom Cafe, and bid a fond farewell to J-Lo's slice of Pasadena paradise, Madre's.
· Have you yet greeted Tricia Romano, Defamer newcomer and social observer extraordinaire? Well? That's more like it.
· Molls ate spinach. That is all.

We're seeing The Dark Knight next week like everybody else, but since David Letterman has already wrecked everything for us, the hell with it: SPOILER ALERT. Like, seriously. The screenshots that some douchebag smuggled out of a press screening and pollenated our inbox with this morning aren't going to shatter the Earth, but they'll warrant crossing at least two items off your list of "Twists I Can't Wait to Totally Ruin By Seeing Them Before the Movie."

For all the veins of Dark Knight interest Warner Bros. has opened among stampeding fanboys, late-night talk-show hosts and, er, Michael Bay, at the end of the day nothing succeeds like success. To wit: When your showtimes — midnight to 6 a.m. in some markets — become national news, you can probably just put the campaign on cruise-control and move on to the next film:

The upcoming issue of Star breathlessly reports that Spencer Pratt Attack ringleader and excellent on-screen kisser Mary-Kate Olsen might be headed back to the floral pastures of celebrity rehab any day now. The mag's sources cite a quasi-recent “collapse” outside an LA club, ongoing depression over her “lover” Heath Ledger’s sudden death, and brewing tension between MK and her more low-key twin, Ashley. But, as we pointed out earlier this month, the twinset’s more rebellious (and interesting) half is on a roll. After appearing on her first Elle cover solo, starring in a critically praised indie movie and, of course, teaming up with David Letterman in a campaign to destroy everyone’s most hated reality villain, Mary-Kate hasn’t shown any signs of crumbling. We took a closer look at this alleged collapse, the odds that Ledger and the itty bitty billionaire were in any way involved romantically, just how grave the tiny twosome’s differences are, and came up with three reasons why we don’t buy it.

After more than four months of hype, it's getting to feel like there's increasingly less to discover about The Dark Knight except whether or not it's good. Variety pretty much took care of that on Sunday, overriding David Letterman's early, spoilerrific review with a bit more textural rave. That was preceded in the LA Times by more Heath Ledger superlatives and requisite bleakness reinforcement from director Chris Nolan. But Anne Thompson has an even better showing at her blog, featuring expansive Nolan quotes from a recent screening/discussion and, far more impressively, a look at Michael Bay's little-known original stab at the Dark Knight screenplay:

Ropeofsilicon.com has an early review of Batman:The Dark Knight which does its best to add to the swelling consensus that Australian James Dean is pretty effing great in his last movie. Clips and freakishly early Oscar buzz after the jump.

Don't believe for a second that David Letterman really broke any studio embargoes last night to tell you he loves The Dark Knight (he's not even the first to do so), but that doesn't mean the pseudo-spoilers contained herein are likely to compel you any less. In fact, the film Letterman describes may prove to be better than the finished product Warners has so ingloriously pimped for months now, right down to Batman's protective ears and the franchise-ending climax we've been hoping for. Of course, as far as we know Heath Ledger is still in the film, so maybe it's all devastatingly true. It's not like the cast hasn't been preparing us. [CBS]

• Ashley Dupre, call girl to former Gov. Eliot Spitzer, thanked her MySpace fans "for taking the time to send me a bit of strength and inspiration... your words have touched me." She thanked her detractors for making "me push myself and want it even more." [MySpace]

Heinz has a new commercial out in the UK starring a guy who works at a deli. He's so popular for his delicious mayonnaise, you see, that the man of the house gives him a kiss on the way out the door. But Bill O'Reilly sees this for what it really is: "It was obviously a gay thing!" O'Reilly's insight into the gay issue is almost as piercing as his colleague John Gibson's was when he cracked all those gay jokes about Heath Ledger right after the actor's death. "This whole gender-blending thing, it's confusing to me," says O'Reilly. "I just want mayonnaise. I don't want guys kissing." Sorry; you must have a man's tongue in your mouth before you get any mayonnaise, Bill. Watch the homosexual Heinz ad after the jump.

Tim Russert died. I'm not sure if you've heard. But, yes, the Meet the Press moderator and dedicated D.C. journalist passed away, at a too-young 58, last week and the media has been in a frenzy since. Jack Shafer at Slate (among many others, I'm sure) feels that the coverage is a bit overdone. Yes Russert was by all accounts a good guy and a good worker and just one of those decent people that feel in short supply, especially in Washington, especially in the media. But isn't it still a bit much? All the tributes and montages and teary testimonials. I mean, nearly every life deserves parades and fireworks and tears and montages when it ends. But, because this is on TV and people are being paid, somewhere, doesn't this seem all a bit circusy? Maybe that's cynical, but television has, to some extent, earned our cynicism. If this is indeed a "circus," then where does it rank among other notable, much-covered celebrity deaths? A writer for Psychology Today says it's the biggest death since John Lennon. We disagree. We'll put this all in some context after the jump.

The stress of playing one of the most legendary characters ever in one of the most hotly anticipated sequels ever didn't contribute to Heath Ledger's death in January, says the Dark Knight star. "Christian Bale has called rumours that Heath Ledger's role as The Joker contributed to his death 'ridiculous.' Ledger, who died from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs in January, was urged to seek help by crew on The Dark Knight after he reportedly became too involved in his character."

By now we agree that an opera is no real way to honor the legacies of either Brokeback Mountain or Heath Ledger, but at least an alternative arrived quickly. Or sort of, anyway — and only if you have a spare $1,500 (at least) to "invest": Amid Marilyn Monroe's pencil cup, fishnet stockings and other dustbin diamonds, an auction next week at Bonhams offers up Ledger's director's chair from the Brokeback set, bittersweetly redolent of oak, denim and, we hear, Canada.

Looking to "own, fondle, and stick your face in a place where Heath's heinie rested for many hours"? The director's chair that departed Aussie actor Heath Ledger sat on while making Brokeback Mountain is coming up for auction. It's officially expected to fetch between $1,000 and $1,500, but as Michael Musto points out, "you can bet your ass it'll go for more." [VV]

• Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter blasts back at Clinton: "The responses from the former president and his camp are very saddening in their own ways. Characteristic, but nevertheless shocking." [Observer]

We can think of any number of uses for the special talents of James Van Praagh, co-executive producer of The Ghost Whisperer, bestselling author and psychic medium to the stars. On one hand, the news of his recent consorting with Heath Ledger's ghost has us surmising that he might just be another facet of Warner Bros. viral marketing machine for The Dark Knight. Reading on between the lines, however, our own Spidey-sense tingled upon perceiving the true implications of Van Praagh's power:

This painting of Heath Ledger, by Vincent Fantauzzo, was done weeks before the actor's death, at his family home in Australia. It just won the "People's Choice" award at the Archibald Prize Exhibition. [UPI]

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are supposedly in the market for another screamless Scientology birth. [E!]

Look closely at the late Heath Ledger and the... uh... early? Mary-Kate Olsen (who was mysteriously involved in the speculation following the actor's death) and note their similar bone structure, the way their cheeks dip in, and the general hay-like appearance of their hair. (We realize that the sunglasses are obviously not the same pair.) Is there some sort of astral projection here? Has the spirit of Heath been imbued in this, our unsexiest Olsen? I mean, the connection would make sense. After all, she's already played a grumbling cowboy before. [Via eden]

So not only has Mattel released the world's most awkward figurine, depicting Heath Ledger's Joker in the forthcoming Batman sequel, The Dark Knight, but the creepy action figures are actually selling. Really, really well. Reports the Post: "Toy peddlers are laughing all the way to the bank with Heath Ledger's Joker doll selling out at New York stores. Droves of people lined up early at the Toys 'R' Us store in Times Square... 'There are none left in the warehouse, either.'" The $10 dolls are being re-sold on eBay. Get one for $55 with a Batman figurine! Put it in your morbid Heath Ledger apartment! [Post] (Joker image via Post)

In case you haven't heard yet that The Dark Knight is going to be the Darkest! Batman! Ever! (complete with a mourned actor doing all kinds of posthumously hype-worthy things that no one will shut up about), Aaron Eckhart showed up in the LA Times's summer film preview Sunday to reinforce the company line that "people will be surprised" at the bleak turns his own Harvey Dent character endures en route to becoming Two Face: