Theoretically, an incorrect hyperlink could point to any random place on the internet, from Sonic fan art forums to Fusion.com. In practice, however, they only link to porn, porn and slightly weirder porn, as was recently the case with an unusually saucy bottle of Heinz hot ketchup.

McDonalds is slowly squeezing out Heinz. The fast food behemoth was apparently not at all pleased to see former Burger King CEO Bernardo Hees appointed as the new CEO of the H.J. Heinz Co., and as a result, Mickey D's is now "transitioning to other suppliers."

Since we live in the Golden Age of Artisanal Everything, it seems somehow fitting that Heinz Ketchup should get a white-person upgrade. Heinz Balsamic Ketchup will launch November 14th to zero fanfare, and be made available only through the brand's Facebook page.

Here's a video of the Heinz Automato ketchup-dispensing robot, which was built—we assume—for some sort of challenge. The goal? Dispense ketchup on six items in 30 seconds. How did the robot do? Uh... not so great. Watch inside.

For the first time in 40 years Heinz is significantly changing its ketchup recipe, dropping current sodium levels by 15%. And they're being sneaky — no new label, meaning consumers will have to read the back nutrition panel! Blame Mike.

An Australian court order is leading Heinz to give away some 2,000 tons of pineapple to Australia's homeless community, who will use the fruit for food, and building materials, and some kind of pineapple-based currency. [news.com.au]

Heinz has a new commercial out in the UK starring a guy who works at a deli. He's so popular for his delicious mayonnaise, you see, that the man of the house gives him a kiss on the way out the door. But Bill O'Reilly sees this for what it really is: "It was obviously a gay thing!" O'Reilly's insight into the gay issue is almost as piercing as his colleague John Gibson's was when he cracked all those gay jokes about Heath Ledger right after the actor's death. "This whole gender-blending thing, it's confusing to me," says O'Reilly. "I just want mayonnaise. I don't want guys kissing." Sorry; you must have a man's tongue in your mouth before you get any mayonnaise, Bill. Watch the homosexual Heinz ad after the jump.